Ode to Roy

[Simon BTFC]

Ode to Roy

> >

> > This is a tale of the man called Roy,

> > And how he filled our hearts with joy,

> > Until the w*nkers in the FAI

> > Booked a pitch that was completely dry.

> >

> > A muscle tightened and a tendon stretched,

> > Roy was livid, and the lads said 'Sketch!'

> > Roy said "All credit to me at the end of the day,

> > Me go in goal? No f*ckin' way!"

> >

> > Roy had a go at Bonner and Kelly,

> > Coz while the team was training, the keepers watched telly. There'd

> > been bust-ups before, this wasn't the first, Meanwhile the players

> > were dying of thirst.

> >

> > Cos the FAI made a deal for some energy drink,

> > But they forgot to bring it, so what did Roy think?

> > "You're some langer!" he screamed at Mick,

> > While Duff explained to Jason that 'langer' meant 'pr*ck'.

> >

> > So Roy packed his bags and went to bed,

> > To rest all the blood that rushed to his head.

> > He said he'd go home, but would he really?

> > Meanwhile Mick had called up Colin Healy.

> >

> > "We need you Colin, pack your bag,

> > You're in the squad coz Roy lost the rag."

> > Roy rang Alex, who was at home in his gaff,

> > And Alex said "Roy, you're havin' a laugh!"

> >

> > "You're at the World Cup, the centre stage,

> > Put a cork in your murderous rage!"

> > So Roy changed his mind and decided to stay,

> > And told Mick it's cool, he just had a bad day.

> >

> > The next day Roy told his story in the papers,

> > But Mick had enough of his captain's capers

> > He called a meeting, and Jason got lost,

> > And Roy was asked to explain to the boss.

> >

> > What it was that was getting him down,

> > Roy's vein popped out, and he made that frown.

> > "Obviously as I said like, at the end of the day,

> > I am the captain and I want my own way."

> >

> > "I want keepers to train, and I want a decent pitch,

> > And a decent manager, you son-of-a-bitch!"

> > Quinner, Kelly and Stan stood up tall,

> > And said "Roy, you're not the only one who can kick a ball!"

> >

> > "And Roy said "I know, Duff can play too,

> > And other Keane and Reid, but Christ look at you!

> > You're has-beens, you're muppets who can't take the heat, And Quinn

> > you can head, but did you know you have feet?!"

> >

> > Mick said "That's it, you're taking the piss",

> > As Jason arrived and said "What did I miss?"

> > Roy was not welcome, and told to go home,

> > And in true FAI style, they got RyanAir on the phone.

> >

> > There weren't any flights until the next day,

> > So Roy went to bed while the whole country prayed.

> > Please help us Jesus, Bertie and the Pope,

> > Because without Roy in Japan, we haven't a hope.