Received from one of 'Er Indoors mates in Brazil, but obviously originated from the Good 'Ol U.S. of A.
"If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be over 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
The reasons why you shouldn't be able to enlist until you're at least 50 are:
Researchers say that 18 year olds think about sex every 10 seconds, while old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy, we'll complain them into submission -- "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote control!" and, etc.
An 18 year old hasn't had a legal beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has probably consumed 126,00 gallons of beer and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18 year old doesn't like to get up before 1000 hrs, but old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans, because we probably forgot where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would probably be a real brain-teaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for rifles and other weapons. We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten-up on the obstacle course, however. Most of us who have been in combat never saw a single 20 feet tall wall with a rope hanging over the side, nor did we ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Instructor. now, "Get down and give me...er...um...one!!" And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I don't think anybody can out-run a bullet.
An 18 year old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on an understandable conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt-crack showing or his boxers sticking out. He still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, or that a 400 watt speaker in the back of a Honda Civic can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons and daughters at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to combat with all its horrors.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our home and hearts on 9/11.
Quite possibly, the last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million 50-somethings with attitudes !!
Kind of wants you to get the ol' 30-30 deer rifle out and do a little practice, just in case, doesn't it ?
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