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The Missing Braintree Sausage Revealed

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26 replies to this topic

#1
offline GazzaBTFC

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A couple of weeks ago this forum was over run by sausages which then mysteriously disapeared. For many, the fact of their disappearance was disturbing, as everyone likes a good sausage, especially in the morning.

A nationwide plea to all Non League clubs was put out and contact was made to many, especially in the Cumberland and Linconshire areas. Even a suasage help line was set up, a nationwide hunt was instigated. Fields were crossed, "Walls" were climbed, no stone was left un turned in this national hunt for the missing sausages.

Now, due to an incident in Essex, the police have requested that the hunt be called off for fear of fueling further a local terrorist action. On Monday 18th April a man was innocently driving his car in South Woodham Ferrers when he was was struck on the nose by a frozen sausage.

In an interview last night, Superintendent Mash of the Frying Squad said, "We cannot stress enough how serious this incident is. It was obviously an act of a local terrorist group, possibly linked to the missing Braintree Sausages. The driver of the car was obviously a victim of a premeditated drive by sausaging. We do not know why the victim was attacked but we suspect it was a case of mistaken identity as at the time of the incident, he was wearing a blue shirt. We will be continuing our investigations in the Cressing Road area of Braintree and will be interviewing members of Braintree Football Club as part of our enquiries. We ask the general public to be extra vigilant, especially in the South Essex area. If you see anyone acting suspiciously and carrying a pack of sausages, we ask you not to callenge them but report them to your local police station. These men are dangerous and know their onions".

#2
offline delboy

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Now thats very interesting. Could this be the cause of the poor performances. No sausages !!!
The team are no longer capable of "Banging" them in so are resorting to throwing them at unsuspecting motorists.

#3
offline Big J R

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[color:"red"] STOP PRESS.
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The BNP, [color:"blue"] (Bangers National Party) [color:"black"] , have just issued their posters for the Essex area for the up and coming election !

#4
offline vienna1964

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Are we sure that they have not become victims of mass sausicide ?


... I mean, and you've got to admit it, haven't you... we've all been guilty of this at one time or another, haven't we ?

#5
offline American FLEET FAN No1

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Headline in this mornings Boretree Bugle, stated: We have been aware for sometime about the disappearing Sausages in the Coggleshall area of Braintree. There are strong "links" with a man known as the self proclaimed "Ayatollah Flag", who is also under investigation on several "Pork Pie" charges! Investigations by the PC Police are ongoing!

#6
offline Dan Sampford

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Quote:
AmericanFLEETFANNo1 said:
Headline in this mornings Boretree Bugle, stated: We have been aware for sometime about the disappearing Sausages in the Coggleshall area of Braintree.


Ian W will receive a few PM's from a certain flag!

#7
offline GazzaBTFC

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Further to the events of this week, the Frying Squad are requesting the involvement of The Internet Police, following the deletion of the post on the Braintree Football Forum.

Superintendent Mash commented this morning that "We haven't even begun our investigation and we find that the co operation of Braintree Town Football Club non existant. We will be requesting further resources to grill them about their activities and that is where the Internet Police come in. They are the professionals when it comes to investigating the activities of people on this forum who wish to hide their activities".

Superintendent Mash said there was no truth in the rumour that Braintree Town FC are sausage jockys, "what they do in their own time is their affair. We are only interested in keeping the public safe from the Braintree Drive By Sausager. When we eventually capture him, we'll be in the gravy".

#8
offline GazzaBTFC

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The BBC have reported that a certain Jo Stalin of Braintree, Essex is under investigation for the violent use of frozen sausages. A police spokesman has confirmed that this may be an alias and are keeping a vigilant watch on the subject's premises in Cressing Road.

Earlier this week a man was battered by a frozen sausage whilst out driving round South Woodham Ferrers. The police believe that the man, Jo Stalin and his accomplice Mr. Lenin have information concerning the disapearance of the Braintree Sausages, linking them with the Braintree Drive By Sausager.

Superintendent Mash said "I know the police resources are stretched but we have to keep the pressure up on this before we make a total meal of it and it becomes a hash!!!"

#9
offline GazzaBTFC

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The BBC have reported that a certain Jo Stalin of Braintree, Essex is under investigation for the violent use of frozen sausages. A police spokesman has confirmed that this may be an alias and are keeping a vigilant watch on the subject's premises in Cressing Road.

Earlier this week a man was battered by a frozen sausage whilst out driving round South Woodham Ferrers. The police believe that the man, Jo Stalin and his accomplice Mr. Lenin have information concerning the disapearance of the Braintree Sausages, linking them with the Braintree Drive By Sausager.

Superintendent Mash said "I know the police resources are stretched but we have to keep the pressure up on this before we make a total meal of it and it becomes a hash!!!"

#10
offline Barry Scott

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been banned from the Boretree forum then?

#11
offline Mark (Flag) Braintree

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no one has been banned, Sausages thread just been moved to the correct forum. If you would rather have it on your forum you only have to ask. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

#12
offline Barry Scott

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you really don't have a sense of humour do you?

#13
offline GazzaBTFC

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There is no correct forum for humour Mark...that is why we moderators of the Billericay forum keep 'em until they die out... or argue the toss...we even keep Thornsy's post on there (god knows why, though) <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

#14
offline American FLEET FAN No1

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As Mark said..........No ONE has been banned from Braintrees Forum............Just any post showing any smattering of the poster having a sense of Humour!

#15
offline GazzaBTFC

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Brick wall and smash your head against it comes to mind...

He should develop his own Boretree web site and let someone else have a go...

#16
offline American FLEET FAN No1

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He should just go........................

#17
offline Mark (Flag) Braintree

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of course i have a sense of humour, what would you suggest, Braintree could open a 2nd forum for you titled "Humour".

We could put all these posts in here, then those that wish to read this kind of thing can and those that want Braintree football news can too.

I want to keep everyone happy, so found a compromise and put it in the pub for you. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Even offered to put it in your general forum Gazza, until we get a 2nd forum.

Cant say fairer than that.

#18
offline Mark (Flag) Braintree

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Quote:
AmericanFLEETFANNo1 said:
He should just go........................


ok.

#19
offline American FLEET FAN No1

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I don't think you have any humour..As for sense.......

#20
offline American FLEET FAN No1

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.......An over inflated sense of self importance!




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