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23 replies to this topic

#1
offline CANV EFM

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dont waste money buying expensive binoculars...simply stand closer to the object you wish to view

#2
offline Badger

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Gentlemen! Avoid arguments with your wife regarding the toilet seat. Use the sink instead.

#3
offline Colin Zeal EFM

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Don't risk losing your front door keys. Make sure you attach an address tag to them so they can be returned safely if mislaid.

Also, it may be an idea to add the times of day that there will be no-one at home, so the good samaritan won't call when you're not in.



#4
offline CANV EFM

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thicken up runny low fat yougurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard...

#5
offline Rodders

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Dont waste good money on getting your punctured type repaired, simply let down the other 3 tyres to match.

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

#6
offline Mersea Pete

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Don't waste money on personal number plates, just
change your name to match the letters on your
plate,

#7
offline Mersea Pete

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Don't waste good money on these designer drinks
that the kids drink now, just drink Vodka and
Windowlene, you still get just as pissed, and your
eyes are clear in the morning....

#8
offline Mr Happy

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When making love to your wife, don't waste all that effort and time trying to send her to Cloud 9. Just wipe your dick on the curtains and watch her go through the f****** roof!!!

#9
offline Tall n Cool

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Don't panic if a small child is choking on an ice cube, just pour some boiling water down their throat, and hey presto, problem solved!

#10
offline CANV EFM

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Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails
and
talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.

#11
offline Tall n Cool

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Pretend you've had a frontal labotomy by going to Borehamwood matches and looking like you've enjoyed yourself

#12
offline The Invisible Man

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Canv, did you know your Union Flag is upside down?

#13
offline CANV EFM

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of course.. but as you well know after our start to the season i was in some 'distress' ;-)

#14
offline The Invisible Man

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I see. I'd abandon ship if I were you!

#15
offline CANV EFM

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ill never JACK the gulls in

#16
offline The Invisible Man

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Perhaps you should transfer your allegiance to Leyton Pennant! If the Gulls, or any of their STAFF drive you up the POLE, FLY over an' sign for them (ensign, geddit?).

#17
offline CANV EFM

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..





#18
offline The Invisible Man

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Err, I'll come back to you on that one!

#19
offline Tall n Cool

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Invisible Man - don't know if you're here or nor (geddit??), but I think CANV is trying to say, "Yellow Army" to you.

Dunno if this makes any sense to you, but hope it helps.

#20
offline The Invisible Man

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Thanks, Tall n Cool.

Yes it makes sense to me. It confirms that Canvey Island play in yellow (so they can be seen through the fog) and that Canv is, or was, a Sea Scout.

No doubt he could exchange scouting banter with Matthew Oliver.




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