Jago

Gosh! that is all!

Hi Tony. Black XL for me please. Thanks.

Good work men (talking of which - we need more of the fairer sex if anyone knows any). Also signing up at Merstham were: Fat Tom (though he'd had a few beers so it was hard to work out exactly what he was saying) Wivenhoe Ozz (sorry folks - I've yet to find a legitimate reason to ban him) Baby Jago Jago Urchin Queen Luke (Well he banged on for the 40th time about how unlucky he'd been which is as good as signing up in my book) And Cup of Tea was so keen he even paid. So that's 10 - let's see if we can get another 10. Come back Maccas1 - all is forgiven. Jago

Happy New Year everyone. Thought I'd pop in and see what's going on during the Cricket season. As you know, football starts in September but if we do a prediction league this year it might need to kick off on 31 August - depending on numbers. But as you all - even Blackballed - have smartphones these days I reckon you'll be able to manage to predict from your sunbed in Torremolinos. We had 16 last year in 2 divisions but are always looking for new blood to take the micky out of - and let's face it we have the new ex-Thurrock set who will be looking to prove their (alleged) footballing knowledge. New joiners start in division 2 but as we have 2 seasons per season (if you see what I mean) - you can go up at Christmas and win Div 1 in April. It's a head-to-head league so you get to inject a bit of rivalry with fellow supporters - and nobody from the Riverside has ever won to my knowledge - so come on folks from the West. Predict on 5 games a week and then throw your destiny into the utter complexity of the scoring calculations. It helps to raise a bit of cash for the Supporters' Association - £120 last year I think - and you get a beautiful trophy both for winner and wooden-spoonist. Entry fee is £10 (or £5 if you are a bit cash-strapped) which covers both the Autumn and Spring leagues. Free entry to last season's 2 winners. (Technically they win 50% of takings but there is a tradition of passing this back into the pot). I said passing. That's all you need to know. I'll check interest at Merstham but feel free to PM me or reply to this if you wish to join/ rejoin/ quit this tedious mess. Thanks all Jago As a reminder of your ineptitude, last year we had : (Lady Jago won the playoffs, grrrrrr); Wivenhoe won the Autumn League and still has the trophy! Depending on numbers, reprieves go to Div 1 teams not extra promotees if more teams join - but play off winner is NOT guaranteed to go up if we have to reduce numbers. (This has never happened)

I hate to say this Jordan - but Nathan's signature looks remarkably like D Collis to me 😀

Jordan - I know it's a team effort and all that, but your energy and enthusiasm are a constant marvel. A top night and exciting times.

My word. I think our very own Jasper Carrot has hit the jackpot. In the Psychological Sciences we have the concept of Paranoia. In the Natural Sciences we have the concept of the Tangent. And in the Essex Sciences we have the concept of Talking Bollocks. Jasper has woven them all into a truly brilliant triumph of paranoid, tangential bollock-speak. And never mind his own "chutzpah" in coming down here and taking our jobs. And women. And valued Upminster school places. (Nb - Disclaimer in case any Pay-by-results lawyers are lurking - I have not researched any of this... he may simply be a lonely itinerant Mexican in a brown poncho living in a tent outside a Lewes pub for all I know... at least that's how I last remember him). Anyway - the Macclesfield forum has announced an attendance of 3986 (well it was a big game) - so neither of our two combatants scored any more goals (quelle surprise). And the final score is accordingly confirmed as ... Lady Jago 9-6 Senor Brom Del Oeste. And so a debut season in the top flight beckons for 'er Ladyship (Well done Lana), while El Dinamo can look forward to yet another season of futility. Oh, and paranoid, tangential bollocks. = = = = = In other, more wholesome, news, both Ozz and Wivenhoe Urchin have traded their (theoretical) winnings for free entry next year. Many thanks to both... so we have raised £120 for Fat Tom's Gin habit the Supporters' Association. Many many thanks to all. Jago ps - bit of a result there for the Spurs!

As at Monday night the attendance at Macclesfield has still not been announced anywhere! Tinpot club They are even complaining about it on their fans' forum (oh the research lengths I go to for you lot). David Ruttley remains silent on the matter. But my money is still on 'er indoors.

This is great. Macclesfield have yet to announce the crowd so we don't currently know the winner of the PLg playoff. You'd think they'd have a little more sense of responsibility to the wider UK community than merely to concentrate on staying in the League. I've written to David Ruttley, (as you will be well aware he is the right honourable MP for Macclesfield), and am interested to see what he has to say on the matter. But as it's currently 9-6 to "Lady" Jago, El Dinamo needs an attendance of exactly 2519 or he's out. I know where my money is. Good Luck in Div 1 Mrs Jago, and I'm looking forward to a nice easy 6 points next season courtesy of Senor Brom.

Eh bien... Les jeux sont fait. As they don't say in Mexico

And here are the 3 happy winners of the trophies.... Wivenhoe with the Autumn League, Ozz with the Spring League, and Cup of Tea with the Spring Wooden Spoon (not awarded for the Autumn Wooden Spoon for reasons of marital harmony). Parental permission has been received where appropriate.

Well - that was a blow. Good luck George and Kenzer. It's been a pleasure. The play-off semi finals mustered a pathetic 20 goals between the 4 of us. A good reason we should all probably stay in Div 2, but as there has to be a "winner", here you go... So yes - yet again it's the two bottom placed qualifiers who qualify for the final. OH THE UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL. But well done Lady Jago and Mr West Brom. (Or Señor Brom del Oeste as he is now know). So the final will be next week, Sat 4th May, kick off 3pm. LANA DEL JAGO (Urchin Queen) v AFC PULISBALL (Dinamo Urchin) Please predict on this lot: (it's the battle for the relegation to the Conference National League. Celta Vigo v Barcelona Cardiff v Palace West Ham v Southampton Swindon v Notts County Macclesfield v Cambridge Att: Cheers all JAGO

George eh? George will always be an Urchin in my eyes. We've been privileged to have you here. And Kenzer? Well he was my vote for player of the season last year (sorry Nathan!). So very sad to see you both go - but we mustn't be greedy to keep you if it's time to move on. All the best in your next ventures and of course pop back in when you can. Jago.

Inter Milan 1-2 Juventus C Palace 1-2 Everton Fulham 1-1 Cardiff Wingate 2-1 Burgess Hill Lewes 1-2 The Chins Are Staying UP Att : 732

I promised some end of season stats in the last post but lost the will to live. So you are not alone. Hopefully you will enjoy looking at these - and maybe it adds insight into why Andy Thomson (Thompson?) decided to take a break! PREDICTION LEAGUE - ROLE OF HONOUR