Jago

Well it's all very quiet on here so I thought I'd pop in with something that may be of interest to at least some of you. Or maybe not - but at least it's something, Anyway - Mr McBride asked me earlier in the season for a copy of the programme when he "scored a hat-trick" for Purfleet against the Mighty Urchins "back in the day" - you know when Thurrock were still Purfleet and you could still buy a bag of chips for sixpence (old money). So I checked with a couple of local experts which programme to dig out, (you know, Hx-guru Tony, who checked with Fleet-sage Norman), and I'm afraid I have bad news Colin. No such programme exists... largely because you didn't actually score a hat-trick - I guess your mind is a bit muddled these days. 😆 Though you did bag two dodgy knee-bounces in the Thameside Trophy in 1990-91 which was a 4-2 win for Purfleet. (I'll send you a copy of that separately). So having started a bit of a research I thought I'd share the programme for the first match of 1988-89 which happened to be Purfleet's first game in the Isthmian League. You'll see Colin on the teamsheet where he pottered about in a SHOCK 1-0 win for the visitors. The actual Hornchurch team was not quite as per-programme but close enough. (If you really want to know you can check "Hornchurch FC - The Official History - 1923-2011". Available from all good book shops, and the Club Shop! And more importantly you will see that I was running the line with my favourite yellow flag, suffering untold abuse from Harry & his mates on the Eastside no doubt. The programme was 4 pages of print but I've bunged the cover on as well - so it won't take too long to read. Anyway - hope you are all surviving. Jago (and no it wasn't me on the line you fools).

Excellent news Dinamo... it's always good to have an alternative perspective on things, no matter how misguided and self-absorbed. (And yes her Millwall mates are well scary - especially with Alex Sharp at the helm).

Good man Michael. For the uninformed, Mike is referring to the FACT that he finished third in Div 2 - thereby achieving a "much deserved" promotion. (And very well done too - it's a famously tough division to get out of - just the 40% go up!). However, due to the underhand way in which I run this thing, Mike could sadly be denied his well-merited elevation if we don't get a minimum of 17 players. Which would kind of be hilarious. Nb. I'm looking forward to explaining this nuance at some stage to Kentish Maid who, as you will have seen, likes to be drip-fed the rules due to her relatively short attention-span . (TBF she's from Kent). Before you sympathise with Mike too much, remember he could have saved this angst simply by finishing second. Or by enlisting all his mates (assuming he has any) to get to the requisite 17. (And he will probably go up anyway - so far NOBODY has ever been denied promotion). Good man D. My Portuguese is a little rusty, but I get your drift. I assume it's like signing George Weah's "cousin" (look it up if you're too young)... or when Hornchurch famously signed Michael Carrick's brother Graeme. That went well. Onwards to the new season. Jago.

Hello everyone. As you know there’s been a lot to take in over the last 24h: · The lockdown news and all that jazz; · The extraordinarily effective double substitution to transform the Bowers game. (Good work Mr Stimson – and Mr Osborne too for that matter); · The tragedy* of Lady Jago breaking her arm on Friday night after “slipping on wet leaves” – hence this rather delayed Prediction Cup update * which means she can’t wash up for 8 weeks – or so she bribed the doctor to say; · But mainly, of course, the “shock of the century” result in the Prediction League Cup, where it was a case of “veni, vidi, vici” for Kentish Maid, the new girl extraordinaire. (English, Latin and French all in the same sentence – a veritable linguistic kaleidoscope). Final score : Salad Cream Blues (Mick The Bat) 7-12 Falls' Fools FC (Kentish Maid), Yes I know Ms Newbie had a goal start for each match, but as she won each match by at least two goals I don’t think anyone can complain. Though Dinamo will have a good go I’m sure. So very well done Kentish Maid – shades of Boris Becker winning Wimbledon as a qualifier. Hard luck to Mick The Bat, who at least had the consolation of being "Top Salad" (a bit like winning the Triple Crown but losing to Italy I guess). As to the rest of you (us!) - UP YOUR GAME, LOSERS. @KM - Not quite sure how we will get you the trophy but I’m sure you can wait until the lockdown thaws a little. NEXT SEASON ?? Assume for now that we will re-start a full league programme after Christmas – the normal 14 matches in a two division format. We can accommodate any number of new teams so if anyone reading this wants to sign up just let me know (send me a PM or drop a reply on here). I’ll send out a reminder in December but feel free to confirm now if you will definitely rejoin. We normally raise a few bob for the Supporters’ Association so it will be whatever you want to contribute - a fiver, a tenner, or a freebie, (as I know some of us are struggling at the moment). Free entry as usual for last year’s winners – Lord Upminster and Mr D –who have both kindly waived the (highly theoretical) winnings. Anyway – see you in December (no, I’m NOT going to Folkestone!). JAGO

You're not. It's the final so neutral. This year we are at Cup of Tea Avenue, a once grand ground, now sadly a bit dilapidated, though still atmospheric. Like the team itself actually. Salad Cream Blues are stated first as that game was first on the spreadsheet and you don't mess with the spreadsheet.

An enjoyable game I thought on Saturday - "offside" goals notwithstanding. Excellent work by the Supporters' Association again on the Covid arrangements. We are lucky to have such a dedicated band. And so to the Prediction League. Nobody remembers a semi final loser - or so the legend goes - so there's no point in mentioning them. But everyone loves a winner. So a big well done to Mick The Bat who won through largely on the back of getting Barca-Real Madrid spot on, and to our "new girl" Kentish Maid who essentially progressed by getting the Annan-Stranraer game similarly nailed. Amazing knowledge of the foreign game from these two. (Despite the Maid claiming to know diddly-squat about Scottish Div 2 - clearly she speaketh with forked tongue). The Big Final is next Saturday, and tickets have already sold out so there's no point looking for one on the HFC ticket portal. If you wish to predict in secret, feel free to PM or text me. Note that Saturday's real world fixtures are a bit dull but I can only work with what I've got, (as the Scotland manager is frequently forced to point out). See below for the details. If you look hard you will be able to identify the losing semi-finalists, and yes, hard luck to you both. LOSERS. Prediction League Emergency Cup Semi Finals: Prediction League Emergency Cup FINAL: Saturday 31st October by 15:00 Salad Cream Blues (Mick The Bat) v-v Falls' Fools FC (Kentish Maid) Matches to predict :- FC Dallas v Houston Dynamo Burnley v Chelsea QPR v Cardiff City Boreham Wood v Digger Dagger Bowers v Hornchurch (score before extra time/pens) Att : The "Texas Derby" is the late game, so it may all come down to that - happenings in the USA may finally have some significance to our loyal subscribers! Yours in shock and awe JAGO

You wait til we get down to the ALdershot and District Lg (and yes - we have previously!) Anyway... Nick’s Knockers (he sent in before 0900 but I’ve been busy)... Bar 1-1 Ful 1-1 Man 1-1 Ann 0-2 Horn 2-1 Att 417 Please note that I have the Chins down for a win this week

What a difference a week makes. As somebody far wiser than me once said. Firstly there's the Urchins turnaround from Kingstonian hell to Carshaltonian heaven. Well done the boys. But there's also the Jago family League Cup turnaround: we all cruised into the quarter finals (as you'd expect seeing as I do the calculations), but all three of us were summarily dumped out this week. Bollox. So well done to the victorious Mick The Bat (who showed an unexpected level of competence for once), to Kentish Maid (who wittered on about Barking to Baby Jago at the Carshalton match, much to his complete bemusement), and to Luke who squeaked through on penalties (OK crowd difference) versus Sir Colin who was last seen demanding a recount of the attendance. A less warm congratulation to Nick who, despite various items of correspondence in the national press, decided to back against the Chins. How dare he? Dunno - ask MikeMike who has started an entirely separate forum thread on this very subject. Anyway, Nick came up against a frankly woeful Lady Jago, and into the hat he goes. Here it all is : Prediction League Emergency Cup - 2nd round proper: ** Despite Colin making the number up as he goes along Semi final draw (the good news is it can't be an all-newbie final as that would be TRULY shameful) Matches to predict - by 11:00 Saturday 24th Oct. Please note early kick-off (Barca match may revert to 3pm but assume 11:00 for now) Barcelona v Real Madrid (11:00) Fulham v C Palace Man United v Chelski Annan Athletic v Stranraer Chins v Horsham Att : Good luck to you all. Jago

Me again. I'm trying to overtake Eastside Urchin as the all-time top (or at least most frequent) poster. Anyway I hereby apply to change my team name to "FC Chintastico" (from FC Chintastic). It's more European-friendly which is a good thing in these xenophobic times. And it also scans very well with one of the Eastside's better songs. Which is an even better thing. Any objectors have 20 minutes to complain - else consider the spreadsheet updated. Meanwhile, if anyone else wants to change their team (or manager) name, just let me know. I made some of them up on the hoof (Retired&Idle, Ivor Stand, etc) so don't be shy to demand a rebrand. Nothing too rude though. Family club and all that. JAGO Chintastico

Well let's not fall out over it. When we (the Chins not t'Fleet) were losing every week in the Conference South it was an art-form to go say Havant 4-4 Hornchurch - on the off-chance of picking up a point for Havant's 4! The nil-nil draw was also "surprisingly" commonplace. Wivenhoe is the undisputed master here. Yes that's him - languishing in Div 2. Oh! And you will see Nick has equally disgraced himself this week. No point in making hay though as he is computer illiterate so plays by carrier pigeon. (He's from Chelmsford you see).

Nickerless and his amazing Knockers (shame he doesn't read the forum!) Inter Milan 2-1 AC Milan Everton 1-1 Liverpool (12:30) Celtic 2-1 Rangers (12:30) Barking 1-0 Harlow (FAT) Score before extra time Hornchurch 1-2 Atletico Carshalton (YE GODS MAN) Att: 278 FC Chintastico Inter Milan 2-1 AC Milan Everton 1-2 Liverpool (12:30) (head ruling heart) Celtic 2-1 Rangers (12:30) Barking 1-2 Harlow (FAT) Score before extra time Hornchurch 2-1 Atletico Carshalton (heart ruling head) Att: 433 (gosh this is hard to judge)

Chortle! It's more a guideline/convention/good manners. Think Mankadding in cricket. But you are not the first and won't be the last. And you can always ignore it and stick to the written constitution. (And face the consequences!). MikeMike tred it once too. So it could be a Furrock fing. There's probably some more "conventions" but I can't think of any at the mo - not until you transgress the next one 😄. Actually there is one more - you shouldn't repeat more than 2 of your opponent's scores - but as nobody ever bothers to read what their opponent has predicted we tend to ignore this until the last week of a league season when match-fixing may well come into play. (It's normally a complete coincidence so benefit of doubt is given - plus I can't be arsed to check it). Past transgressors here have included Sir Colin and famously Paul C - and is known in the vernacular as the Paul C rule (actually I just made that last bit up but let's call it that from now on). This is Rule 4 on the full list of rules (see below) - which I'll rename to "The Paul C" rule as opposed to the rather unsatisfactory "Nuances". Jago The Lawmaker.

This week’s leitmotif (look it up if you hail from, say, Thurrock or West Bromwich) is “disappointment”. Disappointment at the Urchins’ second half capitulation at Kingstonian (and v Wingate for that matter). Disappointment at the clearly non-Churchillian half-time team talk(s). And heartfelt disappointment at the four predictors who went for an England defeat v Belgium. All of whom I’m pleased to confirm have been eliminated. Quite right too you bunch of disloyal losers. However the gravest disappointment is reserved for the actions of one Kentish Maid. Yes I know she’s new. Yes I know we should be encouraging new joiners. But you don’t join an exclusive club and then dishonour the very essence of the organisation by backing the oppo. Unless perhaps you’re from Kent? Anyway I’m sure the combined opprobrium of our more deluded loyal predictors will be enough to nip this scurrilous behaviour in the bud right now. So what happened? Well the Jago family are all safely through to the second round – largely because I do the calculations., joined by various no-hopers from across the globe. Mick The Bat must be rubbing his eyes in disbelief. Here it all is ... Emergency League Cup - First Round Next week - ELC, Round 2. By 12:30 As drawn by His Lordship, 1961 COYS. Predictez-vous on this lot. Derby-tastic. Inter Milan v AC Milan Everton v Liverpool (12:30) Celtic v Rangers (12:30) Barking v Harlow (FAT) Score before extra time Hornchurch v Atletico Carshalton Att : That's it. Up the Urchins. Jago

Well it's a small price to pay in the scheme of things - we could easily have ended up with no football to watch at all at our level (as per the Conference National and South). I agree - I thought the arrangements v Wingate on Tuesday were really well thought through and professionally implemented. For those that don't know, many of the Supporters' Association team missed most of the first half as the Covid checks had to stay in place until half time. So they missed both our goals and saw all 3 of Wingate's! And if they were at Kingstonian I suspect they will be volunteering to miss the Carshalton game!

Well. After the disappointment of this afternoon's real football down at Le Tour de Tolworth, let me add to your bemusement by revealing the half time scores ... Those of you who watched the live broadcast of the draw will be aware that I suggested Kentish Maid effectively had a bye through to the 2nd round. And so it has proved. The fact she went for a Hornchurch defeat has, however, been noted by the Ethics Committee. BTW - the following are already through: Jago (hurrah hurrah, let's hear it for Jago) Sir Colin (FFS) Kentish "traitor" Maid (Yes, I need to have a word) Nick (on crowd difference, thanks to his "newbie bonus")