Jago

Well. A week of ups and downs. Excellent performance on Tuesday agaunst "runaway league leaders" (who'd have thought it?) Bowers in the Cup. Yesterday? Not so good. Clearly left our shooting boots in the dressing rooms. Onwards to the traditional Tuesday night schlep to Margate. Anyway - never mind the real world, I know you're dying to know how you got on in the all important Emergency Cup. All I can say is the scores were fairly closesly clustered so there's still plenty to play for in the second (AND FINAL) qualifying round. Even Cup of Tea, AKA "what day of the week is it again?", only needs to make up 6 goals. (Yeah OK - he's out.... now go on and prove me wrong!). I reckon the top 3 can probably relax but they won't be getting any reminder texts from me, that's for sure. Remember the top 16 aggregate scores at the end of this week go through to the First Round Proper, with tie break on crowd predictions. Our two new joiners (in red) both got their bonus goal - but looking at the table this now looks like an unnecessarily generous offer... how typical of Jago's kind and generous nature I'm sure you are all saying. Anyway - well done to Kentish Maid and to Nick. Just goes to show any fool can play this. BTW - KM - do you want to have a team name? I forgot to ask. And without more waffle - here's the current table : And here are next week's fixtures: PL Emergency Cup, 2nd qualifying round, Sat 3rd Oct by 15:00 The Premier League looks a bit predictable (not by us, obviously), so we head off to the lower reaches... Spartak Moscow v Zenit St P Reading v Watford Charlton v Sunderland Maldon & T v Grays (FAC) Woolfamstow v ‘ornchurch Att: That's all folks. See you at Walthamstow hopefully. Jago

You are forgiven: and in fact have not actually been given a "formal warning" yet. As it's your first go that would be officialdom-gone-mad. Even for me. But if we do manage to start a proper league after Christmas then you will have to learn all the crossed out rules too. Examinations take place on the first Wednesday of the month, pass mark 10%. Blackballed and COYS have still not passed mind you - I'm simply grateful if they manage to use numbers rather than tally notches. PS - you are looking very comfortable to qualify for the first round - see next post whenever I get round to doing it.

You do realise the Burnley game only just kicked off? I don't think you'll be that accurate on the score but you may pick up 2 goals for the Soton win if it stays like this! Hello Ms Kent. As it's your very first go I shall be kind and not issue a formal warning. But there are TWO serious crimes here: i) The scores must go BETWEEN the two teams (or at the start) - it's an excel thing. Or do a McBride as I can just about handle his somewhat Neanderthal approach. ii) Please don't enter extra lines between the fixtures as it over-writes subsequent excel rows (yes I can fix this but it's a pain each time!). It's best to copy and paste rather than re-type each line as the original post is correctly formatted. (It also avoids Everton playing twice on the same afternoon 😁) Don't feel too victimised - various people have transgressed so many times that points have been deducted! Jago the Despot.

My predictions (FC Chintastic) Bayer Leverkusen 1-1 RB Leipzig (14:30) Burnley 2-1 Southampton C Palace 1-1 Everton Romford 2-1 Aveley B Stortford 1-2 Hornchurch Att: 370 Nick's Knockers (offline via carrier pigeon) Bayer Leverkusen 2-1 RB Leipzig (14:30) Burnley 1-1 Southampton C Palace 1-1 Everton Romford 0-1 Aveley B Stortford 1-2 Hornchurch Att: 302

THE RULES Now, before we start - a reprise of the rules, just to confirm dispel any rumours that I make it up as I go along. <<< IT'S VERY SIMPLE >>> (Crossed out bits are not applicable to the cup) 1. Scoring System Correct “result” – i.e. Home/Draw/Away = 2 goals Correct Home score = 1 goal Correct Away score = 1 goal So yes - you can score up to 4 goals per match. Though some of you never have. Hornchurch attendance = 5 goals for completely correct (we get a few every season) 3 goals if within 5% of official attendance, 2 goals within 10%, and 1 goal within 20%. “Within” includes “equals”. Postponed or abandoned matches – everyone scores zero on these games, including the Dummy Team attendance bonus. 2. The Dummy Team (when required) If we have a Dummy Team to even up numbers, they predict 1-1 on all games and automatially get 1 goal for attendance. New rule for 2020-21 : the Dummy Team's opponents can predict a maximum of two 1-1 draws (this stops skulduggery if for example one of the fixtures is a home or away banker) The Dummy Team can be bought by a new joiner at any point in the season. 3. The League system League positions are sorted on points then goals scored then goal difference then how much you are willing to pay me. If we are running 2 divisions there will be a set number of automatic promotion places depending on size of divisions and normally 4 play-off places. A ridiculously large percentage of teams will be promoted and relegated so that we don't get too many meaningless mid-table teams/matches at the end. For example 4 up/4 down for division of 10, 3 up/3 down for divisions of 8 Play-offs are normally one-off affairs. If result is a draw, then closest to attendance is regarded as "winning on penalties" Unfortunately if we get significantly fewer teams the following season it may be necessary to reduce the size of the top division. This means the play-off winner and potentially the last automatically promoted team have to stay down. Sorry! 4. Nuances (you think of a better title) If a head-to-head match will have a decisive outcome on final champion/promotion/relegtion or play-off positions, then the second predictor may not repeat more than 2 of the first predictor's scores. (Typically this rule only applies to last match of season). 5. ADMIN Please place your prediction scores between the teams e.g Romford 0-3 Hornchurch. Or as a simple list, eg 0-1, 0-2, 1-1, 3-0, 1-1 Att 309 And please don't add extra lines between the 5 prediction matches. You will get a warning for a first offence and a 1 point deduction for each subsequent offence. (It causes a spreadsheet headache). Late predictions technically score zero - but at the discretion of the management may be allowed according to some random and normally nepotisitic criteria. Especially if it annoys The Hatted Urchin. (Max 15 mins late in any circumstance, and match must still be 0-0).

Hello everyone. Happy New Year. Decent strike from Lewwis! Mind you we’d already tried chipping the GK 3 times before so one had to go in eventually 😁 Anyway. To the Prediction League Emergency Cup. I’m very pleased to confirm that we have all 19 players from last year, plus 3 new joiners : Kentish Maid (who I assume will play on here), along with “Nick” and “Brian” who I understand lack the IT skills to sign up so will play via carrier pigeon. Welcome to you all. These three new players get a one goal start on each match - as previously advertised - so no cavilling from the usual suspects please. (Great word cavil – much underused IMHO). Here’s what we’ll be doing ... 1. The first 2 weeks will be a qualifying stage. 2. The highest 16 aggregate scores after 2 weeks will go through into the knockout stage. Anyone outside the top 16 will simply be cruelly cast aside, left to lick their wounds and wonder about the fickleness of fate (and their own incompetence). Tie breaker will be lowest total variance on crowd numbers across the two weeks. 3. This means we can take new joiners all the way up to 2:30pm on Sat 26 Sep. Customer-focused or what? 4. And yes this means all new joiners will get a 2 goal bonus for the qualifying period. I can’t see Nick and Brian being a threat even with this boost – but KM has, I understand, previously run her own version of a prediction league, so is immediately installed as Cup favourite. No pressure KM! 5. Normal scoring rules will apply. (These will be re-stated on the next post so that COYS and Blackballed can cover their eyes and still pretend the rules don’t exist). And so to the fixtures. Normal stuff. One foreign. One or two Premier, any decent lower league, and guess the crowd on the Chins’ game... Here we go... Prediction League Cup – Qualifying Round 1, 26th Sep by 14:30 Bayer Leverkusen v RB Leipzig (14:30) Burnley v Southampton C Palace v Everton Romford v Aveley B Stortford v Hornchurch Att: That’s it. What can possibly go wrong? Jago.

Good work Ms Kent and welcome to the league. Or cup anyway. I’ve actually got a cunning plan which means we can take new joiners right up to the last minute next Saturday. All will be revealed on the morrow. So the more the merrier. And Mike if we did do a qualifying round it’s really not that hard. Number of Qualifying round entrants = (n-t)*2 where n is the overall number in the league and t is the next lowest integer power of 2. But I know you knew that and just like to overcomplicate things 😁

Update - we have 19 so far so I'm considering approaches to get that down to a power of 2. Probably a qualifying round amongst those who have been rude to me, but we may even have some group matches JUST LIKE IN THE WORLD CUP (a competition slightly inferior to our own actually). I think it's just Lord Upminster (the champion) & Cup of Tea (errr, not the champion) who haven't responded so feel free to give them a nudge if you have their details. Either way - PLEASE SIGN UP BY SATURDAY 19th SEP if you haven't already. Fixtures will be out the following day - hangover dependent - for the first round (or first group match) which will be week of 26 Sep (Chins at Stortford). I will be at the ground to nag likely victims on Saturday. You have been warned. @Mr D - if you're coming on Saturday please bring the trophy so I can get the base extended and add your & The Lord's solid gold plaque sticker (eventually). TTFN UTU JAGO

It's just to annoy Colin really so he feels he has to be nice to me - even if he doesn't quite manage it!

A bitter and deluded man. A bit like myself in fact. Errr, its "misspelled". And don't give me any of that "double bluff" nonsense. Anyway you are both very welcome. No doubt I'll find a way to eject you from the competition under some previously undeclared rule if necessary.

Well this is all going surprisingly well. Keep it up. And we have two newbies via the Havering CC (Salads) bunch - so they will be easy fodder.

By the way we handed over £140 to the supporters' association from last year for them to squander on creosote and/or lace antimacassars. Or whatever. Many thanks to everyone who contributed.

Hello. I have been inundated by a request as to what we are doing about the Prediction League. Well. Here's my "thinking"... Frankly we don't have time to get two half-seasons in this year. It's still unclear what will happen wrt crowd attendance and all that stuff. So let's bin the Autumn Season and start again after Christmas when everything will of course be hunky dory. Whaddayathink? In the interim we can have an Emergency League Cup (ELC). This will be a straight knockout. No money will change hands. Start in a couple of weeks I guess. You Div 2 wannabes can have a bash at the Billy Big Boots. Sign up below. As per my example: Yes please Jago, I would love to play in the ELC, signed << Eastside Urchin>> (or whoever) All welcome - newbies are ENCOURAGED and will be given a one goal start on each game (just watch Dinamo change his user name). That's all folks. Jago

Hi Andy. Call me stoopid (fair enough), but I had a quick look at this and I have absolutely no idea what we are supposed to do. There doesn't seem any way of registering or selecting a team. The example web page is just a link to the teams in the Isthmian League, not an example of picking a team. Or do we just send an email as per point 2 above and it all becomes clear? Appreciate you may not actually know as you are the messenger! - But if you do, then any info appreciated. Yours in bewilderment Jago.

As Lord Upminster won it and he's not allowed out of his Open Prison somewhere in Suffolk (or Norfolk?) I suggest you cling onto it for now (please feel free to interject My Lord). PM me your address and I'll send you the stickers to add to the base so you can show it off to all your disbelieving friends (and Ray). I think there are 2 spaces left but please confirm...if not it's back to the Trophy shop. Toodle Pip Jago