Jago

I have an "any other business" item. I don't like the all red kit. Never have. Reminds me of Liverpool for a start. I know we won the FAT in it but it's still dull dull dull. So can we have a vote on getting the r+w stripes back please - I guess not next season as we probaly have that kit in place already, but as a statement of intent for the future. Here's an example of how good it could be ... Thanking you in advance. Jago

Evening all. (Or good morning, if you are sensibly already retired for the night). I feel slightly awkward posting this after yesterday's play-off defeat to Cheshunt as it seems a bit of a distraction. But hey, ya gotta do what ya'v gotta do. As to the big match, it just wasn't to be on the day. So well done Cheshunt, but more importantly, well done to all the Hornchurch players and staff for another great season. Thanks to you all. And also many thanks to all the volunteers who work so hard behind the scenes to make the match day experience so good down the Bridge. And that includes Dinamo. (I feel like I'm doing an Oscar winner's "thankyou speech", obvs without actually having won yer actual Oscar!) Meanwhile the Prediction League playoff final was, unsurprisingly, a bit of a damp squib, with neither team finding their full form. (OK - to translate - they were both utterly cr@p on the day, with Fat Tom slightly less cr@p than the Ozzster). It ended : Dazedandconfused (Ozz) 3-5 Daley's Dream Team (Fat Tom) So we welcome Fat Tom back to the elite next year (assuming enough teams for 12 in Div 1). And the lesser lights of Div 2 can enjoy the royalty that is Ozz slumming it in the Vase Division for another season, enjoying the magnificent surroundings of the marble-halled Ozz Park when they play away. SO - Thank you to all who played and contributed, and to winner Cool Hand Luke, who has maintained tradition by passing his (highly theoretical) winnings back into the pot. He does get a free go next year mind, and I believe is having a special flag made to this effect as we speak. Anyway, we will be able to contribute £235 to the Supporters' Association. Not huge by Chelsea standards, but every little counts, and I still have £10 pending on the Aged Debtors' List. Biggest single (anonymous) contributor paid £30 - so extra thanks to him/her/they/them/us/you/whatever. Let's assume this carries on next year - but if anyone wants to have a go at "running it" (a.k.a making it up as you go along) - do let me know. Full training will be given and it will (possibly) count towards your community service/scouts/guides/Duke of Edinburgh Bronze badge. Up The Urchins. See you next season Jago Oh yeah, and here's the role of honour...

OK everyone. It's almost 10 years to the day since this classic moment of footballing triumph and despair. Let's make sure we all do our bit and roar the boys on to a repeat tomorrow! See you there.

Yes I know, I know, your attention is on a different play-off final, somewhere in the real world. But it still gives me great pleasure to update the missing prediction fixture in our other super-exciting play-off final. Yes - it's THE CHINS v CHESHUNT. (In case you weren't sure!) Also - as the crowd at The Bridge is restricted and Fat Tom may know the final number, the attendance predication is switched to Ricay v Ebbsfleet, with Salford v Mansfield becoming the contingency game. So now we have (by noon tomorrow): Celtic v Rangers (12 noon) West Ham v Arsenal B. Monchengladbach v RB Lepizig Hornchurch v Cheshunt (before Extra Time/Pens - not that we will need them) Billlericay v Ebbsfleet Attendance: Contingency: Salford City V Mansfield Town Trust this makes sense. See you Monday. Jago

I shall draw a discreet veil over yesterday’s football proceedings (I couldn't stay for the presentations which sounded great). But look on the bright side, it’s another opportunity to go and look at Enfield’s marvellous art deco café thing. If that’s the sort of thing that floats your boat. Anyway – I’ve got every faith in the boys blasting their way to the final and then onto the promised land. It's been a great season, whatever the outcome. Down in the prediction league it was playoff semi-final week. And one of those awkward moments when the final qualifier (Ozz in 7th) squeaked through against the highest placed qualifier (Lord Upminster in 4th). Unfair you may opine, but hey, "that’s life" your Lordship. The other semi was a bit of a stroll for Fat Tom. So unlucky to Diamond Geezer who was most unfortunate to meet Jordan on one of his increasingly rare weeks of competence. Also - it was nice, if rather confusing - to see Wivenhoe predicting. I mean he's a frequent winner of the Fat Tom Alarm Clock, so it was a bit of a surprise for him to show up when he didn't actually have a match. Anyroad, Wivvers banged in a fairly impressive 10 goals so is clearly warming up for next season’s tactical overhaul to avoid the wooden spoon. Again. Before we go any further, please remember that the play-off winner is not guaranteed promotion unless we get a minimum of 21 teams next season. Just thought I'd remind you now! (Rule 3.5 innit). Though this (denial of promotion) has never actually happened. Here's the scoop ... Play off semi finals, Spring 2021/22 season: Next week : Play-off final by 12 noon on Sunday 1st May Daley's Dream Team (Fat Tommy D) v Dazedandconfused (The Ozzmeister) Please predict on this lot (spread over two days to add to the tedium tension). Isthmian play-off is before extra time and penalties (though I reckon The Chins will win comfortably in normal time - you heard it here first). Nb. Feel free to wait until we know the playoff finalists before posting. Sunday: Celtic v Rangers (12 noon) West Ham v Arsenal Monday: B. Monchengladbach v RB Lepizig Salford City V Mansfield Town Isthmian Premier Playoff Final . Home team v Away team Attendance: Contingency Billericay v Ebbsfleet UPDATED FIXTURES: (see reasoning on the nect post) So now we have (by noon tomorrow): Celtic v Rangers (12 noon) West Ham v Arsenal B. Monchengladbach v RB Lepizig Hornchurch v Cheshunt (before Extra Time/Pens - not that we will need them) Billlericay v Ebbsfleet Attendance: Contingency: Salford City V Mansfield Town That's yer lot. See you on Monday COME ON YOU URCHINS. Jago.

Bit of a long post this week, so I don't blame you if you'd rather watch paint dry and/or skip to the end. But some people like to see their name in lights, so here goes... ALL HAIL LUKE. As you know, Luke is never one to blow his own trumpet (due to a spinal flexibility issue I believe), so I guess it’s up to me to congratulate him on RETAINING the title. Ozz did this once (remember him?), but that was in black and white, and before some of you were born. Anyway, well done Luke and commiserations to COYS, our beloved respected elder statesman who had led all season until losing to Luke himself last week. In suspicious circumstances I’m told, but I’m awaiting the full report. And ALL HAIL WIVENHOE URCHIN. Yes, Wivvers has managed the unique achievement of retaining the Wooden Spoon. Not even Seany The Sheep managed that (remember him?!) (Hi Seany as I know you’re out there). Will WU go for a third in a row? Colin somehow managed to stay up, so it’s MikeMike, Batty Mick, and CuppaT following Dinamo into the abyss. That means only Paul C of the promoted teams managed to stay up – yes the gap between the divisions really is that wide – invest or perish I guess, as Watford and Norwich can attest. Congratulations to Adrian83 on securing the Div 2 title. A83 has been with us for three seasons: Promotion in his first, Relegation in his second, Promotion in his third… errrr – good luck next season Adrian! Urchin Yid and, (astonishingly), Mysterious Nick fill the other auto promotion spots after Lord Upminster froze on his big day to set up a play-off semi with long-time rival Ozz. This will be all ticket so please check Ticketmaster for availability. Fat Tom and Diamond Geezer will contest the other playoff– with the Geezer also attempting to “do an Adrian” (up…down…up…?) Finally I’d better mention Blackballed as he gets upset if I don’t. Well done on a solid third place Mr B. That’s it. We may do it again next year. This was the highest scoring season in history with an average (mean) score of 8.4 (cf an all-time mean of 7.8) – and this week was the highest EVER total score (285 over 24 teams). Either you are finally getting the hang of it or I’m making the fixtures too easy – I suspect the latter (though the Chins' winning streak obviously helps push up the scores a tad). Many thanks to all who have taken part and contributed some hard-earned dosh – we should be able to donate around £220 to the supporters’ association. Please remember this is voluntary, but all contributions obviously help with various initiatives, including my request to be chauffeured to games each week (due to how helpful my lucky socks have been). Strangely this request has not yet been agreed, but I guess they are busy people. Final positions as below, with play-off matches further down. FA TROPHY DIVISION FA VASE DIVISION NEXT WEEK - THE PLAYOFFS- St George's Day by 12:30 Please predict on: Mechelen v Sporting de Charleroi Arsenal v Man United (12:30) Bournemouth v Fulham Billericay v Bath Hornchurch v Wingate & F Attendance: Contingency Leicester v Villa Remember: if it's a tie, closest to attendance wins, then highest league position. I am off for a lie down. See you at the W&F game (can't be @rsed with Bowers) Jago

In the intro post I foolishly said "In Div 2, Adrian looks cracked on for auto promotion". Well not if he doesn't turn up! If anyone sees him, give him a nudge. Ta

Clive Fortuna Sittard 1-2 Sparta Rotterdam Man City 3-2 Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford 1-3 Brentford Hearts 2-1 Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch 4-0 Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: 432 Contingency Birmingham C 0-2 Coventry Nick Fortuna Sittard 1-0 Sparta Rotterdam Man City 2-1 Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford 1-2 Brentford Hearts 2-1 Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch 4-1 Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: 595 Contingency Birmingham C 1-2 Coventry Jago Chintastico Fortuna Sittard 1-2 Sparta Rotterdam Man City 1-1 Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford 0-0 Brentford Hearts 2-1 Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch 3-1 Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: 571 Contingency Birmingham C 2-1 Coventry Sir Colin Fortuna Sittard 1-0 Sparta Rotterdam Man City 1-2 Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford 2-2 Brentford Hearts 3-1 Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch 3-1 Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: 600 Contingency Birmingham C 2-3 Coventry The Dummies Fortuna Sittard 3-1 Sparta Rotterdam Man City 3-1 Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford 2-0 Brentford Hearts 0-3 Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch 1-0 Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: 489 Contingency Birmingham C 2-2 Coventry

I think we can call that a “satisfying weekend”! Well done the boys at Cray, and well done to Brightlingsea for beating Enfield. We can now relax a little for a couple of weeks – though confirming third place, or even second, would be jolly handy. In the prediction league the long-awaited clash between the top two turned out to be a little one-sided, with Luke triumphing 13-7 to leapfrog COYS into first place. But apparently this is all part of COYS’s master plan to nab it dramatically on the final week (or some such bollox that he shouted over the mayhem as Tobi nabbed the fifth). Dinamo confirmed his immediate return to Div 2 (it’s been nice having you Dave), despite opponent Mick The Bat not turning up until half time. But apart from that, any 3 from Mick The Bat, Cup of Tea, MikeMike and Sir Colin could be joining him (and technically even my good self way up in 7th position, but that would require a dramatic goals-scored collapse on my part – yep that’s jinxed it!). In Div 2, Adrian looks cracked on for auto promotion, but otherwise it’s between YrchinUid, Lord Upminster and Mysterious Nick for the other two places. Fat Tom could sneak in, but would also need a goalscoring miracle. Spot the typo but I liked it so I'm keeping it. And for the final play-off spots, it’s for Diamond Geezer and The Dummies to lose, and for Urchin Queen, Clive and Ozz to win. The Hat and Wivvers were already written off last week! Phew. Here it all is: Golden boots: Left boot - Luke, Right boot - Fat Tom Fat Tom Alarm Clock - Mick the Bat with honourable mention for Wivenhoe FA TROPHY DIVISION FA VASE DIVISION NEXT WEEK : Friday 15th April by 2pm... The last week of torture (unless you happen to qualify for the play-offs) Predict on this lot. We could have had Romford v Aveley but that would just have been too cruel. FAC and SFAC matches are before extra time/pens, Fortuna Sittard v Sparta Rotterdam Man City v Liverpool (FAC s/f) Watford v Brentford Hearts v Hibs (SFAC s/f) Hornchurch v Brightlingsea (Friday 2pm) Attendance: Contingency Birmingham C v Coventry Good luck y'all Jago

Well I best be getting off to Bromley for the Cray match, so I shall leave you with the "half time" scores and w-i-p league tables after the Cheshunt and Vancouver games. Luke has gone top (temporarily) but COYS generally does well after his half time lucozade lager, so who knows.

Clive Vancouver Whitecaps 1-2 Portland Timbers Brentford 0-2 WHU Man City 2-0 Liverpool Cheshunt 2-1 Lewes Cray 1-2 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 320 Contingency Bromley 2-0 Dagenham Nick Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 Portland Timbers Brentford 1-2 WHU Man City 2-1 Liverpool Cheshunt 2-1 Lewes Cray 1-3 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 365 Contingency Bromley 2-1 Dagenham Baby Jago Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 Portland Timbers Brentford 1-2 WHU Man City 1-2 Liverpool Cheshunt 2-1 Lewes Cray 0-2 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 307 Contingency Bromley 2-1 Dagenham The Actual Jago Himself Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 Portland Timbers Brentford 1-2 WHU Man City 2-1 Liverpool Cheshunt 1-2 Lewes Cray 0-2 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 311 Contingency Bromley 0-0 Dagenham Sir Colin Vancouver Whitecaps 1-0 Portland Timbers Brentford 1-1 WHU Man City 1-2 Liverpool Cheshunt 2-2 Lewes Cray 1-3 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 300 Contingency Bromley 2-1 Dagenham Crash Test Dummies Vancouver Whitecaps 0-0 Portland Timbers Brentford 1-2 WHU Man City 3-2 Liverpool Cheshunt 2-3 Lewes Cray 0-1 Mighty Urchins Attendance: 450 Contingency Bromley 3-2 Dagenham

I couldn’t make it yesterday v The Regis. But frankly “watching it” on twitter was, I’m sure, far more stressful than being there. @AndyDick – many thanks for the updates, even if I do now need some replacement fingernails. In terms of the prediction league, the two-horse race continues at the top of Div 1. They (COYS and Luke) play each other next week, so if you need a ticket please feel free to take out your re-mortgage at www.jagodoesdodgyloans.co.uk. Meanwhile it’s super-tight at the bottom, where anyone from 5th down (that’s me) can still go down, yet "bottom-boy" Mick The Bat could, theoretically, still live again. Doubt it though - he's a Chelsea fan and I'm in charge round here. Div 2 is also anyone’s apart from Wivvers and Dr Hat who will, I’m afraid, be grazing the pastures of the “FA Vasian fields” again next year. Good luck to Wivvers who is making a valiant attempt to retain the Wooden Spoon – which will certainly be an unwanted first! The play-off jostling is far too complex to describe after downing a bottle of Rioja earlier this afternoon, so do it yourselves. The league table says it all. The Awards: Golden Boot – Baby Jago, who’s clearly the only one who knows anything about German Fußball (he needs to get out more!) Lucky B’st@rds joint award – MikeMike and Blackballed. I think Mike shades it if they can't decide whose mantlepiece is most deserving. Fat Tom Alarm Clock - no award. Well done everyone. We now enter the final two weeks, so CONCENTRATE! Here it all is:- THE FA TROPHY DIVISION THE FA VASE DIVISION NEXT WEEK - 9th April by 3pm please. We play on Sunday - so most of these are actually Sunday matches except at Cheshunt. Please predict upon this lot: Vancouver Whitecaps v Portland Timbers (it’s like the 1980s all over again!) Brentford v WHU Man City v Liverpool (seriously, who cares?) Cheshunt v Lewes Cray v Mighty Urchins Attendance: Contingency Bromley v Dagenham That's it. If I see you at Cheshunt the crisps are on Baby Jago (it's the Easter Hols) JAGO

You alright Ozz? Posting on a Wednesday!

Colin B. Dortmund 2-1 RB Leipzig Wolves 1-1 A.Villa Cardiff 1-3 Swansea (ouch!) Southend 2-1 Notts County Urchins 3-2 Bognor Regis Town Attendance: 475 Contingency Juventus 2-2 Inter Milan Clive B. Dortmund 2-1 RB Leipzig Wolves 1-1 A.Villa Cardiff 1-2 Swansea (ouch!) Southend 1-3 Notts County Urchins 2-0 Bognor Regis Town Attendance: 415 Contingency Juventus 1-1 Inter Milan Nick B. Dortmund 2-1 RB Leipzig Wolves 2-1 A.Villa Cardiff 1-1 Swansea (ouch!) Southend 1-2 Notts County Urchins 3-1 Bognor Regis Town Attendance: 545 Contingency Juventus 1-1 Inter Milan Dummies B. Dortmund 2-2 RB Leipzig Wolves 1-0 A.Villa Cardiff 0-3 Swansea (ouch!) Southend 0-0 Notts County Urchins 2-0 Bognor Regis Town Attendance: 659 Contingency Juventus 0-0 Inter Milan FC Chintastico B. Dortmund 1-1 RB Leipzig Wolves 1-1 A.Villa Cardiff 1-2 Swansea (ouch!) Southend 2-1 Notts County Urchins 2-1 Bognor Regis Town Attendance: 488 Contingency Juventus 1-0 Inter Milan

Very very disappointing performance yesterday. Yes, I’m talking about our collective inability/ lack of faith in correctly predicting the Carshalton-Hornchurch score. Still, I think on balance we’ll take that as a small price to pay for an absolutely fantastic footballing exhibition. (Special mention at this stage to Mick The Bat who actually went 0-4, but there’s no points for getting the half time score right Mick). Not sure anyone’s that bothered, but COYS stays top of Div 1 where it’s looking like a two-horse race with Luke for the title (what happened Blackballed?!). Relegation spots are anyone’s mind, so the TV ratings should stay high. Meanwhile Adrian83 moves deftly into the number one position in Div 2, like Martin Peters ghosting in at the far post (or something). The top three are all looking good for promotion, but it’s very tight for the play-off places. The week's awards: Golden Boot – Paul C. That’s 2 awards in 2 weeks Paul – like a London Bus etc, etc Lucky B’st@rd – absolute shoe-in for Nick who got the third worst score of the day, but happened to be playing Fat Tom, whose entire squad was apparently at a stag-do and in no fit state to turn up. Fat Tom Alarm Clock. Who else, but the eponymous Fat Tom himself (see above). Oh, and Family of the Week – The Jagos – 3 wins out of 3. 🤓 We have three weeks left which means a repeat of 3 of the 11 weeks we’ve already played. These will be weeks 5, 8 and 9 as randomly drawn by Baby Jago – you’ll just have to believe me. THE TROPHY BOYS THE VASE BOYS and GIRLS NEXT WEEK. 2nd April by 3pm please. Please predict on this bunch: B. Dortmund v RB Leipzig Wolves v A.Villa Cardiff v Swansea (ouch!) Southend v Notts County Urchins v Bognor Regis Town Attendance: Contingency Juventus v Inter Milan Up the Urchins Jago