The Downing Street Dictionary

[Burnham Lad]

Started on a thread in the "Pub" section, and inspired by the American writer Ambrose Bierce, who wrote a hilarious alternative dictionary (The Devils Dictionary), here is a small competition - add some extra words to the Downing Street Dictionary - so just for starters......

 

1. LIES - what the opposition tells....

 

2. TRUTH - Whatever you need to say to get you off the hook or to persuade people to agree with things they would not otherwise agree with.....

 

3. RESIGN - No such word in the dictionary

 

4. LIFE PEERAGE - A position where you get to investigate anything the Government needs investigating on condition that you do not find they did anything wrong, whether they did nor not....

 

5. OBEY: - Whatever Bush says goes. (Mark (Flag) Braintree)

 

6. OPPONENTS - Members of any other political party

 

7. ALLIES - People who do what they are told

 

8. FRIENDS - People who do whatsoever they are told every time. (For example Bush said "Tony Blair is FRIEND of the American people")

 

9. ENEMIES - People who are members of the same party as you

 

10. DEADLY ENEMIES - People who live next door, are in the same party as you and after your job.

 

11. PRESS RELEASE - Official Truth announced using government money to pay for it when you want it in the papers (SEE "TRUTH" above)

 

12. BRIEFING - Official Truth, when you want it announced but don't want the Government to be seen to be the source.

 

13. LEAK - Unofficial Lies (SEE "LIES" above)when somebody briefs against you.

 

14. FACTS - What you want everybody to think really happened and generally confirmed by an enquiry by a "LIFE PEER" (See above).

 

15. WHISTLE BLOWER - Somebody who publicly lets us know about something we can use to embarrass the opposition and we protect them by the law.

 

16. TRAITOR - A whistle blower who publicly lets out something we did not want the public to know and although protected by the law, we make sure they get stuffed anyway....

 

17. FRANK - What you are being when you are announcing FACTS and (don't forget!) look straight into the camera when you do it and don't fidget with your fingers and try not to look shifty.

 

18. MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT - A political position rewarded with access to well paid honorary jobs in quangos and a gilt edged, copper-bottomed, guaranteed, inflation-proofed pension which grows at a rate unheard of outside parliament.. All you have to do is believe the TRUTH and challenge LIES, and be a FRIEND of the Government.

 

19. PENSIONERS - Members of the public aged over 60 who cost a lot of money and need to be reduced in number before they cost so much that MP's pensions are at risk.

 

20. MRSA - A superbug, developed by the National Health Service to enable PENSIONER numbers to be reduced as soon as possible.

 

Add some more definitions and we can send it to Downing Street!

[MbrunoB]

QUANGO-a reward position for not rocking the boat until honours time.

[Blinkjim]

EUROPE - The place where they want us to be, but are too scared to go to!

[American FLEET FAN No1]

NHS= No Health Service!

[Big J R]

NO HOPE SERVICE, more like.

[MbrunoB]

O.A.P.=Once A Person

[Big J R]

MP. Mutated Pratt

[Blinkjim]

PM- Puppet master