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Abbott and Costello and Computer


Big J R

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If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first ?" might have turned out something like this:

 

COSTELLO TELEPHONES TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you ?

 

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

 

ABBOTT: Mac ?

 

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: Your computer ?

 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

 

ABBOTT: Mac ?

 

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: What about Windows ?

 

COSTELLO: Why ? Will it get stuffy in here ?

 

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows ?

 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows ?

 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows ?

 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got ?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything ?

 

ABBOTT: I just did.

 

COSTELLO: You just did what ?

 

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 

COSTELLO: You recommended something ?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: For my office ?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office ?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office !

 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows ! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need ?

 

ABBOTT: Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word ?

 

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows ?

 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

 

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

 

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need !

 

ABBOTT: Real One.

 

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them ?

 

ABBOTT: Of course.

 

COSTELLO: Great! With what ?

 

ABBOTT: Real One.

 

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do ?

 

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

 

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what ?

 

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

 

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w ?

 

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word ?

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows" !

 

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

 

COSTELLO: It is ?

 

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

 

COSTELLO: And that word is real one ?

 

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

 

COSTELLO: STOP ! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with ?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money ?!

 

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer ?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer ?

 

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer ? How much?

 

ABBOTT: One copy.

 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money ?

 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money ?

 

ABBOTT: Why not ? THEY OWN IT!

 

A FEW DAYS LATER . . .

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off ?

[color:"red"]

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

[color:"black"]

 

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