Snappy Answers!

[Burnham Lad]

Some old, some new....

 

Snappy Answer No. 1

 

A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

 

Snappy Answer No. 2

 

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No Madam, they stop growing once they're dead."

 

Snappy Answer No. 3

 

The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day" the policeman told him. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

 

Snappy Answer No. 4

 

A truck driver was driving along. A sign came up reading "low bridge ahead." Before he knew it the bridge was right ahead of him and he gots stuck under the bridge. Cars were backed up for miles.

 

Finally, a police car arrives.. The policeman gots out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and asked "Got stuck?" , "No mate" the truck driver replied "I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol."

 

And finally No. 5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

 

A university lecturer reminded her students of the following day's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for your absence tomorrow except a nuclear attack a serious personal injury or a death in your immediate family. But that's it. No other excuses whatsoever!".

 

A smart-[****!!****] bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I told you I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?". The class tried to stifle their laughter.

 

When silence was restored, the lecture smiled sympathetically at the student, and sweetly replied,

 

"Well,I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand. wouldn't you?"