Slip slidin' away

[AussieACE]

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

 

She called out for her husband. "Bruce, Bruce", she yelled. Bruce came running in.

 

"Bruce, I've gone an' bloody suctioned m'self to the floor", she said.

 

"Strewth", Bruce said and tried to pull her up.

 

"You're stuck like bloody superglue, woman. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

 

"No way. We can't do it, have ta go with Plan B," Cobba said.

 

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What's that?"

 

"I'll go get my hammer and chisel outta the ute and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum", replied Cobba

 

"Spot on, you're a legend," Bruce said.

 

"While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits."

 

"Play with her tits?" Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate".

 

"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her excited enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive".