Soccer violence

[Wilf]

A young Afghanistani lad playing in his home desert was spotted by one of Alex Fergusons far-flung coaching staff and immediately shipped over to Old Trafford - no expense spared as you might expect.

He progressed over a few seasons until he was eventually warming the bench at the Millenium Stadium for the FA Cup Final (one of the years when Fergie had decided to grace the competition with his team's presence).

With five minutes to go and drawing one-all, Roy Keane was surprisingly sent off for an accidental back-elbow - a most unusual lapse of professionalism on his part, I know, but this IS only a joke!.

Caution was thrown to the wind - Off came Veron, leaving only two in midfield, and our little Afghan lad came on to join the strike force alongside Ole Gunnar Thingie, scored two goals inside a minute (about 20 minutes into injury time) and was paraded shoulder-high by his illustrious colleagues.

Immediately after the post-match interviews, he rang his Mum at home to tell her about his day.

"Never mind YOUR day" raged his harassed Mum. "What about MY day??? Your father has been dragged from the house by armed guerillas and shot through both kneecaps. He will never walk again. Your brother has been questioned and tortured by the militia. They finally cut out his tongue, and he will never talk again. Your little sister has been attacked in the street and raped repeatedly. She will bear the mental scars for life and will never trust a man again"

The lad replied - "Well, it was YOU who wanted to live in Manchester...!"