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zody

who has the best cleavage

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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

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1.How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights?

10 Little piggies,

2 Calves,

1 Ass,

1 Pussy,

1 Beaver,

An unknown number of hares,

And one dead fish no one can find.

 

2.What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?

A. Humpme Dumpme.

 

3.What is soft and warm when you go to bed , but hard and stiff when you wake up ?

A. Vomit

 

4.What do you get when you cross a nun with a PC?

A. A computer that will never go down on you.

 

5.How do you get a nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an alter boy.

 

6.What is the difference between Jurassic Park and IBM?

A. One is a theme park dominated by dinosaurs, the other is a Stephen Spielberg film.

 

7.What do you call two skunks having a 69?

A. Odour Eaters.

 

8.How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?

A. Phone her.

 

9.Why does an elephant have four feet?

A. Because six inches isn't long enough.

 

10.What's the worst thing about being a test-tube baby?

A. You know your dad's a [****!!****].

 

11.How do you make a dog drink?

A. Put it in a blender.

 

12.Why aren't blondes good cattle herder's?

A. Because they can't keep their calves together.

 

13.What do you call a smart blonde?

A. A golden retriever.

 

14.What did one lesbian frog say to the other?

A. We really do taste like chicken!

 

15.How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?

A. The tongue's still in the envelope.

 

16.What's the definition of Trust?

A. Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.

 

17.Why can you only have two doors on a chicken coup?

A: If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.

 

18.What do you call a fish without an eye ?

A: Fsh.

 

19.Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

It's not very bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy

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A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

 

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

 

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance & see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

 

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

 

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

 

1) you have to be single and

2) you must be Catholic."

 

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

 

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."

 

He does and the nun fullfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

 

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

 

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

 

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

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An essex girl goes into an Ann Summers shop and asks the assistant if she can have a look at an assortment of toys.

 

Despite a wide range of colours, shapes and sizes, none of them appeal.

 

She looks up and says to the assistant, "can i have a look at that tartan on up there on the shelf?"

 

No, replies the assistant, thats my thermos flask.

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has anyone been following the 35 years of page 3 in The Sun newspaper, looking at Sam Fox, still very tasty at 39, Jenny Blythe was my favourite, one horny bird and who had the best cleavage

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Quote:
zody said:
has anyone been following the 35 years of page 3 in The Sun newspaper, looking at Sam Fox, still very tasty at 39, Jenny Blythe was my favourite, one horny bird and who had the best cleavage


I kind of followed it and then just stopped after about 20/25 years of it...

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Sure beats the 'pencil-test' hands down, so to speak !!

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