This was genuinely posted on the Sheffield United website by a fan. absolute quality.
"I'm feeling all angry about these modern day footballers and I know why they have gone all soft. It's because of poncy names. That's what it is.
Remember the old days when footy players kicked a f**king ball made out of ten pounds of clay stitched inside a steel reinforced leather shell with laces made out of piano wire? Well, in them days, players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were called things like Albert, Arthur, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack and Tommy.
F**king tough names for tough men them was. And what do we have now?
Gareth, Jason, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. F**king tarts names they are. Great big [censored] poofs.
No wonder the ball's like a f**king balloon and shin pads are like slices of bread. In the old days you never saw a Len Shackleton or Billy Wright with a poofy little Sondico piece of paper down his little thin socks.
F**king shin pads in them days was made out of library books and socks was like sackcloth. Same with jerseys.
F**king shirts with holes in 'em now so they can breathe. Yes and so Jamie's hairless chest can breathe and he doesn't get a chill. F**k off.
Stanley Matthews used to dribble round Europe's finest wearing a f**king tent and shorts cobbled together from the jacket of his demob suit. Aye he bloody did. "