Rules of Manhood

[Moo]

Dunno if this has been posted before, but here goes...

 

Rules of Manhood

 

 

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

 

It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following

circumstances:

 

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

 

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

 

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

 

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The

Crying Game".

 

e. When she is using her teeth.

 

 

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally

killed and eaten by his buddies.

 

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a

friend out of jail within 12 hours.

 

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever unless you actually marry her.

 

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is

forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

 

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly

optional.

 

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not

the weakest.

 

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you

may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

playing.

 

It is permissible to drink

a fruity alcohol drink only when

you're sunning on a tropical beach... and only when it's free.

 

Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you

allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

 

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

 

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

 

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

anything.

 

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to

drink as much as the other sports watchers.

 

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

 

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just plain greedy.

 

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be

talking about his choice of beer.

 

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man

while lifting

weights:

Yeah, Baby, Push it!

C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

Another set and we can hit the showers!

 

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal

footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

 

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not

acceptable for her to drive yours.

 

Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime

green, orange or sky blue.

 

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End

of story.

 

There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's

Gymnastics.

Ever.

 

and FINALLY.....

 

We've all heard about people having guts or

balls. But do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the

definition of each is listed below.

 

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask,

"Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

 

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys

smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on

the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

 

Hope this clears up any confusion.

 

International Council of Manhood