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R Zimmerman

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A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing

with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the

train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want

off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all

of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the

train, cause we're going down the tracks."<p>The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that

kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your

room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,

you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice

language."<p>Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed

playing with his train.<p>Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All

passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to

take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding

with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you

will ride with us again soon."<p>She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just

boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your

seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you

will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."<p>As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you

who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch

in the kitchen."

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A depressed young woman was so desperate that she

> > >decided to end her life by throwing herself into

> > >the sea.

> > >

> > >When she went down the docks, a handsome young

> > >sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.

> > >

> > >"Look, you've got a lot to live for, " he said.

> > >"I'm off to America in the morning, and if you

> > >like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take

> > >good care of you and bring you food every day."

> > >Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her

> > >shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and

> > >you'll keep me happy."

> > >

> > >The girl nodded. After all, what did she have to

> > >lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard

> > >and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every

> > >night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece

> > >of fruit and they made passionate love until

> > >dawn.

> > >

> > >Three weeks later during a routine search, the

> > >captain discovered her.

> > >

> > >"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

> > >

> > >"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors",

> > >she explained. "He's taking me to America, and

> > >he's feeding me."

> > >

> > >"What are you doing for him?" said the captain.

> > >

> > >"He's shafting me" said the girl.

> > >

> > >"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is

> > >the Isle of Wight ferry"

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