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Fans Focus - Non League Football

A Few More !

Big J R

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Paddy is passing by Mick’s hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green Massey Ferguson tractor. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers. Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay. “What the heck are you doing Mick ?” says Paddy. “Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me”, says an obviously embarrassed Mick, “but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.


I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And ,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now !” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.


As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of **** drinks ?”

“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.


When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved him.

Upon getting back on the pier, he checked my puppy out and said, “Ze dog is ok, he vill be fine.”

Out of curiosity I asked, “Are you a vet ?”

He replied, “Vet  ? I’m fuken soaked!

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