New Police Arrestee Questionnaire

[Burnham Lad]

From the jokes section of a Police Website;

 

Law Enforcement Improvement Policy

 

 

In order to provide you, the customer, with the best possible service, we ask that you take a few minutes to complete this critique.

 

1. During your arrest were you advised of your rights in a timely manner?

 

 

___ Yes

___ No

___ What rights?

 

2. If your attitude at the time of arrest required the use of force, how would you rate the application of said force?

 

 

___ Too much

___ Not enough

___ Just right

 

3. If an arrest warrant was used during your arrest, what type was it?

 

___ Consensual

___ Court ordered

___ Police ordered

 

4. When you were handcuffed, how would you rate their use?

 

___ Too tight

___ Not tight enough

___ Too loose

___ Not loose enough

___ Just right

 

5. For what crime were you arrested?

 

___ Homicide

___ Rape

___ Robbery

___ DUI

___ Public Stupidity

___ Public Mopery with Intent to Gawk

___ Other

 

6. During your arrest, was the officer's commentary directed at you politically correct?

 

___ Yes

___ No

 

7. During your ride to jail, how many times did the officer's driving habits cause your face to impact with the silent partner?

 

___ Once

___ Twice

___ Three times

___ I can't remember

 

8. Once you arrived at our jail, how were you removed from the vehicle?

 

___ Through the car door

___ Through the trunk

___ From the trunk

___ Through the wing window

___ Off the bumper

 

9. Have you taken advantage of our department's free attitude adjustment program?'

 

___ Yes

___ No

___ Not yet

 

10. How would you rate the food at our jail in comparison with food at other jails you have visited?

 

___ Excellent

___ Good

___ Fair

___ Poor

___ Bad

___ What food?

 

11. Would you recommend being arrested by our department to your fellow felons?

 

___ Yes

___ No

___ You gotta be kidding

 

12. Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were arrested for?

 

___ Yes

___ No

 

13. Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were not arrested for?

 

___ Yes

___ No

 

14. Our department is offering a Time Saver Program whereby you can sign all forms ahead of time, and we will fill in the blanks later. Would you be interested in such a program?

 

___ Yes

___ No

___ Does X count as a signature?

 

Thank you for your participation!