Problem Diet...

[Burnham Lad]

I have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog food at Wal-Mart and was in the queue for the checkout.

 

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

 

On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

 

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly the guy who was standing behind her.

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

 

I told her no; I was sitting in the street licking my balls when the car hit me.