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Are You Lonely??

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this'll cheer u up zealster

note number 11. Laz


30 Commandments for Men

> =======================

> 1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and

> eaten by his fellow partygoers.


> 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.


> 3. It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

> c. After wrecking your boss' car.

> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

> e. When she is using her teeth.


> 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out


> jail within 12 hours.


> 5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off


> forever, unless you actually marry her.


> 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

> Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.


> 7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another


> In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.


> 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

> weakest.


> 9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may


> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


> 10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her

> to

> climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of


> entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


> 11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're

> sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless

> supermodel...and it's free.


> 12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

> kick another bloke in the nuts.


> 13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.


> 14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


> 15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.


> 16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must be treated as spies

> until

> they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much


> the other sports watchers.


> 17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a

> girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and


> it into a ceiling fan.


> 18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain

> sober enough to fight.


> 19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,

> but not both - that's just mean.


> 20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

> about

> his choice of beer.


> 21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in criticising a mate of yours,

> except if she's withholding a shag pending your response.


> 22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

> a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!


> 23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:


> urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost

> imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.


> 24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are

> able to have a shag with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if

> necessary.


> 25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive

> hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese,

> turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is

> broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.


> 26. The morning after you and a girl (who was formerly "just a friend")

> have

> carnal drunken monkey sex, and the fact that you're feeling weird and

> guilty, is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about


> a big mistake it was.


> 27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for


> to drive yours.


> 28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than

> 1.5litres.

> Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 2 litres, 16 valves, and a

> turbo.


> 29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,

> orange or sky blue.


> 30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for


> with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a playstation.




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