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I guess this is what Chatham Gary was intending to link to :-


Kinnear excuses


Now we, like most Dover fans, admire the work Chris Kinnear did for the club. But it must be said that his radio interviews and the excuses he uses are some of the best you could possibly hope to hear. Thanks to Dover Mosquito, Bob, David Holden and Dave Shirley for their suggestions.


If you can think of any which aren't included e-mail me at doverafcfan@hotmail.com and I will add them.


Below are just a few of our favourites:


Well, our players had just come back from a stag weekend...

Kinnear's excuse after a 5-0 drubbing from Gravesend in the Kent Senior Cup Final.


Margate Chairman reprimands Kinnear excuses!

Jim Parmenter has spoken out against the excuses used by manager Chris Kinnear. Parmenter told the Isle of Thanet Gazette about the agreed budget for this season before claiming, "The manager's using money as an excuse for poor performance."


Kinnear claimed that he had no choice in selling Terry McFlynn and that Margate were paying only half of Lenny Piper's wages. Parmenter denies this, saying, "He definitely did have a choice - if Chris Kinnear had said that he wanted him to stay, he would have stayed."


Parmenter went on to say, "Despite all the financial stress on the club we've spent more this season on the playing and coaching staff.

If the manager hasn't spent the budget wisely, that's his responsibility. To talk in the way he has is not helping in any way."


Parmenter put the pressure on Kinnear, stating that more money had been spent to improve on their 10th place finish of last season, "We're fifth from bottom in the table and it needs to be improved, and that's down to Chris."


Parmenter claims the club are spending twice the amount of last year on team management to improve team performance and added, "We've got players on the books who have hardly featured."


The Margate Chairman finished by saying, "The message is to stop making excuses and start getting results."


- from the Isle of Thanet Gazette, edited by Matt Clements.


Gary Oates...

(An excuse in the making for Kinnear. The excuse being that he doesn't know the names of his players!)


Yes we did well, especially as we have so many injuries…

(A standard Kinnear response to a victory. Normally the injuries number 1 and it is their 3rd Choice keeper!)


Well how did you expect us to do well, what with all our injuries?…

(A standard Kinnear response to a loss. See above)


Well the pitch didn't help…

(Ah yes, the old CK fall back - the pitch. What seems to escape him is that it is the same for both sides, but then you can't get sympathy for saying that can you?)


We're only part time…

('Just nail down the lid of the old Coffin and bawl, bawl, bawl!' Is this the most used of the Kinnear excuses?)


Yes well they're full time aren't they…

(The second part of the Kinnear part-time plea for sympathy campaign. He seems to have a problem with understanding the concept of what is part-time and what is full-time as he often uses this when the opposition is part time as well.)


We're the top part time club in the country…

(Yes you are Chris. Well that is of course if you avoid mentioning the ones who finish above you such as Dagenham and Forest Green in the 2002-2003 season.)


We frightened them…

(Only used once, about a Doncaster away match. They lost 3-1. How exactly did they frighten them then? Presumably Jay Saunders kept trying to tackle, and the Donny lads valued their kneecaps)


Well we're still joint 8th…

(This was used once or twice as Margate fell down the table towards the latter end of the 2001-2002 season. I think they were about 12th or 13th, but come on Chris, goal difference exists to separate clubs!)


To be honest, we only fielded a young side…

(This was used to explain away the 2-1 Kent Senior Cup defeat to Dover in 2001. It was young if you ignore Phil Collins, Lee Turner, Jay Saunders, etc…)


It's difficult playing in front of big gates like these...

(A Kinnear excuse usually used after the most ludicrous away games like Forest Green and Leigh. Notably he doesn't use it for the home matches or else we really would be mocking him!)


Of course the opposition have had a night in a hotel/travelled yesterday...

(This occurs when they've been trounced and most of the above don't wash. Not that this washes either mind you.)


We're building for next season...

(The old phrase which always fails to disguise that Mr Kinnear isn't entirely satisfied with how his team has done over the course of a league season. Maybe Mr Parmenter should start using this with regard to the ground...)


The pitch was too spongy...

(Made after their 1-0 loss to Exeter City. Surely saying the opposition 'keeper was James Bittner would have got more sympathy?!)


The grass was too long...

('We were beaten by a better side' just doesn't seem to apply to the guy. He makes Crabble sound like a jungle or something.)


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I have offered up a Kinnear fav:


'We're only a little club.'

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