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Choose overbearing arrogance.


Choose systematic dirty play and calling it "competitiveness".


Choose the most staged, contrived, up-your-own-ar$es goal celebrations ever witnessed.


Choose winning two championships in eleven seasons and acting like you've won seven in nine.


Choose paying £9 million for Francis Jeffers.


Choose Dennis Bergkamp and his carefully-timed elbows into the side of the head.


Choose deliberately disrespecting and belittling the other team by

playing keepy-uppy in their half with a few minutes to go.


Choose fancying yourselves as better than RealMadrid, then having Chelsea run rings around you at home.


Choose turning the sports section of the observer into a gunners fanzine.


Choose getting away with light or delayed punishments at FA disciplinary hearings because you've had every possible string pulled by David Dein.


Choose a persecution complex nonetheless and never shut up about it.


Choose embarrassing yourselves in a Renault "va-va-voom" ad and then disgracing yourselves further at the world cup finals.


Choose David Seaman and his public mid-life crisis.


Choose watching an opponent miss a last-minute penalty against you, then running after him and jeering him.


Choose George Graham grinding his way to the dullest championship win of all time.


Choose to see yourselves as one of the giants of continental football when you've never even reached a European cup semi-final in your entire



Choose picking Ray Parlour for over a decade.


Choose having Nick Hornby as the mouthpiece of your supporters.


Choose pretending that five or six years of playing in a watchable


makes up for inflicting over a century of ultra-defensive dogsh*t on English football watchers.


Choose Igor Stepanovs, Nelson Vivas, Kanu, Pascal

Cygan, Davor Suker, Gilles Grimandi, David Grondin, Remi Garde, Kaba Diawara, Junichi Inamoto, Jeremie Aliadiere, Oleg Luzhny, Richard Wright, Stefan Malz, Christopher Wreh, and all the other turkeys that nobody ever

mentions when creaming themselves about how great Wenger is in the transfer market.


Choose 58 red cards in seven years.


Choose bottling the treble despite having all the luck in the world.


Choose arsenal.








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