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seeingas its a bit quiet, id thought id post this joke, nothing to do with footie but it might make you chuckle:


Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...


"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet". "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".


So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!


"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".


"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".


"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".


And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.


"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"


"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"


"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....








Ees, a Ham Bush"

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My go...


Gazza is invited round his girlfriend’s parents’ house for dinner for the first time. Understandably he is rather nervous about the whole event and this is not helped by the fact that he had a few beers and a ruby the night before.


They are all sat around the dinner table tucking into their roast beef and Yorkshires but Gazza’s guts are playing up badly. He does his best to hold it in but can’t contain his wind any longer and lets one rip. “Rover!” exclaims his girlfriend’s mother. “What a result” thinks Gazza, “she’s blaming the dog” (who is conveniently lying under the table). Buoyed by this feeling of security, Gazza lets another one go. “Rover!!” shrieks his girlfriend’s mum.


Gazza now feels totally safe in the knowledge that the hound is being blamed for his flatulence and stokes himself up and lets go of a monster.


“Rover!!!!!” screams his girlfriend’s mum




Scroll down







Keep going






Nearly there





“Get out of the way, before the bloke sh*ts on you”

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GazzaBTFC said:
Nice...It shows my popularity when my name is used is a joke <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
This is a joke ? I heard there was a grain truth in this "story" - till I spotted her mum's not got a dog called "Rover", think it's called "Fido"... <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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