Essex Earthquake appeal

[Sawbo Shaun]

>Essex Earthquake - Help Needed

>

>A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit in the early

>hours of Friday, July 1st 2005, epicentre Basildon, Essex. Victims were

>seen wandering around aimless muttering "fackin ell". The earthquake

>decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several

>priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and Spanish

>Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Rear spoilers and body kits have

>fallen off at least 75% of the county's cars. Many locals were woken

>well before their giro cheque arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station)

>reported that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One

>resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of 5, said "It was

>such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom

>crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm, slept through it

>all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

>Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as

>normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates

>of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue

>workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large

>quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery

>from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and fake sun tan lotion.

>

>HOW CAN YOU HELP?

>

>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those

>unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is the

>most sought after. High priority items to restore some local dignity

>include:

>

>Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers).

>Shell suits (in family packs), white sport socks, Rockport boots.

>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

>Required foodstuffs include Microwave pizzas, Hagen Daaz tubs and crates

>of Heineken.

>

>Just think ....22p will buy a biro for filling in the compensation

>forms, £5 will buy enough chips, crisps and coke for a family of 9, £25

>will pay for a days supply of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of

>those affected.

>

>Please do not send tents for shelter as the influx of superior

>accommodation may drive down property prices in nearby Pitsea and

>Laindon.

>

>**BREAKING NEWS**

>

>Rescue workers have just dragged a blood soaked young girl from the

>rubble. When asked by the rescuers "where are you bleeding from?" she

>replied "Hainault".

[Sixy]

Great "laugh out loud" ha ha ha ha.

[smallsy]

good stuff.

 

should have said "trisha" istead of "kilroy" tho.

[mala_D]

Oh dear, oh dear....that Essex Earthquake Appeal is a bit of a perennial.

 

I predict it will surface next year...YET AGAIN! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/doah.gif" alt="" />

[SNEER_IS_HERE]

Its so old it should have its own pension!

[Sixy]

So am i,you c**t,

[Sawbo Shaun]

I kNow but I just received a Liverpool version from an Essex boy so I posted the original.

 

Still funny though..

 

Bet you haven't heard it as often as I have heard the "calm down calm down " chorus behind the goal. Every fecker thinks they are the first to say it as well. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

[Tom S]

Quote:

mala said:
Oh dear, oh dear....that Essex Earthquake Appeal is a bit of a perennial.

But no less funny however many times it's repeated.

[Junior Pirate]

Why Basildon??? I bet a few of the Bowers lads wont be to happy about the references to Pitsea either!!!!lol