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CANV EFM

some of these aint bad

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> David Beckhams Hospital visit for check up on his now-healed

metatarsal

> goes

> awry when Becks demands £10,000 for image rights before having an

X-ray

> picture taken. In the ensuing scuffle the skipper's hairstyle is badly

> bruised, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Wayne Bridge While waiting for a taxi to the airport decides to have a

> quick

> kickabout in the car park with even-tempered team-mate Tahar El

Khalej,

> wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Wes Brown Status as Britain's first orange footballer is revealed to

be

> the

> result of lifelong addiction to Tango. Is slapped silly by a

mysterious

> orange giant, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Nicky Butt Develops food poisoning after stylish 'Gucci and sushi'

party

> at

> Beckingham Palace. Ensuing bouts of diarrhoea leave him being

described as

> 'Sicky Butt', wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Sol Campbell After lifting FA Cup and Premiership with Arsenal, is

> revealed

> to have an allergy to silverware which naturally went undetected

during

> his

> Spurs years, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Ashley Cole, Joe Cole Fail to turn up for plane to Japan after reading

> headlines which say 'Cole Announces International Retirement',

wrecking

> their World Cup dreams.

>

> Kieron Dyer Using PC while recovering from knee ligament injury,

clicks on

> spam e-mail which promises HOT XXXXX-RATED ACTION. Immediately

develops a

> nasty virus, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Rio Ferdinand Goes for a "quiet pint" with Jonathan Woodgate, wrecking

his

> World Cup dream.

>

> Robbie Fowler Trampled in stampede to leave stylish 'Gucci and sushi'

> party

> at Beckingham Palace when Victoria puts one of her own records on,

> wrecking

> his World Cup dream.

>

> Steven Gerrard After injuring back while sitting on Liverpool team

coach

> and

> groin while walking on Anfield pitch, famously robust Scouser suffers

jaw

> strain while giving interview, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Owen Hargreaves Caught up in unsavoury clashes between England and

Germany

> fans and beats himself up, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Emile Heskey Hits six goals in first warm-up match and gets to his

feet

> immediately each time he is fouled. Admits that "I'm just not myself

at

> the

> moment" and withdraws, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> David James Drops Gameboy on foot while braiding hair after 90 seconds

of

> warm-up match, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Martin Keown Trip to Tokyo Zoo ends in tragedy when, while checking

out

> chimps' tea party, he is attacked by the primates and hung as a

deserter,

> wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Nigel Martyn Attempts to give himself a haircut as stupid as those

worn by

> the other two England goalkeepers but accidentally shaves top of head

off,

> wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Danny Mills, Danny Murphy Still not quite believing that two jobbing

> cloggers can play in the greatest tournament on Earth, both Dannies

pinch

> themselves until severe bruising occurs, wrecking their World Cup

dreams

>

> Michael Owen After parting his hair neatly, putting on his lovely

blazer

> and

> bow tie, packing teddy in his suitcase and kissing mummy goodbye, is

> blinded

> by the glare of his newly-polished shoes, wrecking his World Cup

dream.

>

> David Seaman Slips into coma at Arsenal dinner after Tony Adams

reveals

> intimate details of his struggle against alcohol for the 11,458th

time,

> wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Paul Scholes Brutally attacked by a group of Japanese schoolchildren

who

> call him 'shortarse', wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Teddy Sheringham After Tottenham season video is shown in England team

> hotel, dies of shame, wrecking his World Cup dream.

>

> Gareth Southgate Chokes, though thankfully not this time while taking

a

> vital penalty in the semi-final of a major tournament, wrecking his

World

> Cup dream.

>

> Darius Vassell Hospitalised with malnutrition after misguided attempt

to

> prove that "empty Vassells make most sound", wrecking his World Cup

dream.

>

>

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