More 'Essay' Statements

[Big J R]

I may have posted some of these before, however......

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[color:"blue"] High School Essays !!!!

 

These came from the annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition. Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

 

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

 

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

 

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

 

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

 

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

 

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

 

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

 

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

 

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

 

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across he grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka t 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

 

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

 

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

 

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

 

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

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[Martin]

A lot of those COULD have been written by a comic genius.

[littlered]

Excellent. More please <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/roflmao.gif" alt="" />

[Tom S]

I actually think one or two of those are very good. The rest are, though, truly dreadful.