Some more 'Scottish' humour !

[Big J R]

You need to 'think' with a broad Glasgow accent.

 

What do you call a dwarf who falls into a cement mixer ?

A wee hard man.

 

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?

Wee Shooey.

 

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find his dog ?

Wee Shooey Douglas.

 

A guy walks into a GP's surgery.

'Doctor , Doctor! He cries , 'you've got to help me, I feel like I'm turning into coconut'

Says the doctor, 'You're bountae '

 

There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?

The wan wi a wee calf.

 

The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.

'Fur ma roon shoolders'

 

Hear about the stupit skindiver ?

He didny have a scuba.

 

What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?

Gupty Singh !

 

A wee woman from Glasgow’s West End was staying in a hotel in Edinburgh. She phoned room service for some pepper. 'Black pepper, or white pepper ?' asked the concierge.

 

'Toilet pepper !' yelled the woman.

 

Edited April 21, 2010 by Big J R