Coffin Dodger

Gussy · March 27, 2008

Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.

It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most

Of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only

Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a

Dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ...

BUMP........

Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain

He saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP........

He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box

Approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more

Clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put

His head down and started walking briskly home.

BUMP........

The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster.........

BUMP.... BUMP.......

BUMP........BUMP.......

BUMP........BUMP........

The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he

Heard the coffin speed up after him ...

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was

Only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his

Keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside,

Slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and

Slumped into his comfy chair.

Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through

The front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin

Allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued

Its chase ..

BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could

Take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door ...

BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and

Launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the

Bathroom door flew off its hinges ...

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young

Terrified lad.

BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom

Cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at

The coffin ... still it came ........

BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it

Came......

BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came......

BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed some Benylin cough mixture and threw it ...

The coffin stopped.

Jeff Hamnett TSF · March 27, 2008

so why might you have to work saturday gussy?

Gussy · March 27, 2008

Originally Posted By: thespursfan

so why might you have to work saturday gussy?

As if i'd tell you

Teflon · March 27, 2008

johnnojudo · March 27, 2008

Originally Posted By: thespursfan

so why might you have to work saturday gussy?

Do some blo0dy work Gussy....

Great joke though. There's no way am i gonna be able to remember that one!!!

bomaya · March 27, 2008

never get that minute back again.

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