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not connected in anyway but hey ho

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The best line is the last, the sad thing is the guy is right.




> passport complaints letter






> Dear Minister,

> I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand

or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.


> How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and

telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in

1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what



> How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every

Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have

had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me

to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working

for the government?


> How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am

watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the

government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep

the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

> Do you people do this by hand?


> You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one

with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my

health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had,

on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being

allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those

insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral

registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters

are up for re-election.


> Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on

the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds,

my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed

between now and the day I die!


> I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you

and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you

ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals

working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want

to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary

backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away

from all this crap.


> Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get

another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the

tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all

the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the

same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather

have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then

find some [****!!****] to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you

know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are

enjoying the process!

> Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!


> I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years

at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which

allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister

while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer

work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have

to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my


> who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...


> Yours sincerely,

> An Irate British Citizen.


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Having applied and got a new passport I don't see the problem. It only takes 30mins. If you don't want to do the papeprwork don't get a passport. Simple. He would be the same sort of person who complains about immigrants but he is moaning how much it takes to get a passport. A bit ironic me thinks.


What the guy writing the article doesn't know is what hoops do the people he mentions have to go through to get a passport?

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Originally Posted By: chancer
Hey Jenko, a friend of mine said she had to go to Chelmsford and had a 30 minute interview before her's was issued, this should have been the case years ago.

For an extra few quid the post office will check it make sure you have done it right. The only problem is you might get one of the Romford postie's checking it or worse one from Hullbridge!
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Originally Posted By: and1inthetree
fine line between patriotism and racism.

Re you video clip........ first time I have seen the Bentley miss from that angle.....what an earth was he trying to do with his feet, some sort of strictly come posing.
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