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last nights Evening Echo...


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Any one read it ? there was a piece in there about those crackheads from Brussels who have now decided that Foulness and Canvey must lost there 'Island' status under new EU regulations ! (im just going on memory here as I had a few cheeky pints swilling round inside me and was trying hard not to fall asleep and wake up at Shoeburyness on the train home late last night, so apologies if im not 100% correct)

It would appear you need to have a population of less than 50 and be at least 1km from the mainland to qualify for 'island' status !

all this is just making me think 'how f***d is this world when all people have got to worry about is this ! theres terriosts plotting to posion us all and bomb the world and these w****rs are worrying about is Geography and all the other b****x they decide to throw upon us.


PS i also missed my stop and woke at Thorpe Bay !!

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Canvey: EU threat to island status

Canvey could face a threat to its island status, thanks to the European Union.


The new European plan reckons places which are attached to the mainland by "a rigid structure" should not be described as islands.



This would rule out Canvey, Foulness and dozens of other islands across the country, many of which rely on European aid because they are separated from the mainland.


Appalled Castle Point MP Bob Spink branded the idea as an early April Fool's Day joke.


He said: "I class this in the same category as having straight bananas, and lawnmower noise directives, and I think it's total and utter nonsense.


"What right has has Europe to interfere with Canvey people, their heritage and their traditions, particularly at a time when we are commemorating the loss of 58 people in the floods which devastated the island 50 years ago?"



Published Thursday, January 23, 2003



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They can't do that! Not to us! What did Shakespear say?


This royal throne of the Kings, this scepter'd isle,

This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,

This other Eden, demi-paradise of the Ryman League,

This fortress built by Nature for herself

Against infection and invading Basilricay hooligans,

This happy breed of football fans,

This precious stone set in the silver Thames,

This blessed plot, this earth, his realm, this Canvey.


Or something like that, anyway.


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i vow to thee, my island, all earthly things above

entire and whole and home to, the greatest football club,

the team that play great football, the team that stands the test,

that lifts the f.a. trophy, the team that is the best,

we've seen off grays a. , we'll see off riccay to,

and when we've finished with them, we'll f..k the EEEEE.U.



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CANV, being a hardend commuter I was fully aware the last train had been and gone, your mind then turns to thoughts of the fat cabbie's eyes lighting up with pound signs when you echo the words...Leigh on Sea please....!

coversation normally goes like this...

cabbie "what time you up ?

me "about 6.15am" (about 3 hours time!)

cabbie "yeh im finished after you, probaly get up about 12pm and play golf"

me (under my breath) "cheeky b'stad...rub it in!"

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Under this ruling, the UK itself is no longer an island. WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE????? After much deliberation and research, I have come up for a new guideline for island requirements:


1. Has to be surrounded by water.


It's in the post to Belgium as we speak!

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Yeah imagine Canvey v Real Madrid!!

Concord Rangers would be in the UEFA cup then!!


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The idea of Canvey making a Unilateral Declaration of Independence (UDI) has been discussed on other threads in the past, but it still holds a lot of appeal to me. As an independent state we would run our own FA and make up our own rules - agreed as above.


But we would also set our own taxation laws (Tony Richardson as Chancellor of the Exchequer?) I reckon 2p in the £ sounds about right.


We would also set our own licencing laws (Stan as Home Secretary?) and decide between us on the amount of duty on a pint of 1664. You could be drinking at £1.50 a pint all the time, except before a 3 o'clock kick-off when it would be 75p.


Brothels could be made legal (who wants that job?), we could run our own schools and exam systems (I baggsy that one) and we could set up our own television and radio stations (Ian as Director of Communications?) The intergrated transport system would be masterminded by Chris Gardner and the minister with responsibility for the environment (as long as it was all block paved) could be Gary Doughty.


The list is endless.


Thanks to the EU

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I would like to accept the job of Defence Secretary! How about a giant laser that reaches across the Thames into Gravesend? On the side of that I will have the responsibility of putting border control on Canvey Way, and dening all Asylum Seekers from Southend!!!


Also if, (or when) this place floods, I will be the first to go AWOL with all members of the cabinet!!


Matt CIFC <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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we would have to contruct our own parliament building..or just have a meeting on fridays in the lobster smack..mind you if we did that then people from the north of the island may feel disenfranchised (like the scotish) and demand more autonomy in their own affairs..to keep the whole populance happy i suggest a roving parliament or as its known in the trade a 'pub crawl'

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