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chav towns

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23 replies to this topic

#1
offline c'mon ricay

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It appears the Chav capital of GB got this rather humerous mention on one of my fav sites chavtowns.co.uk and yes Ricay are featured youre level of chaviness is reflected in the number of comments after the article, reflecting youre status as chav capital of Essex and therefore GB hope you enjoy youre hallowed status, maybe you could rename the dump to people dump or the whole place to Chavey Island in honour of youre achievement its not like the chavs on the island are ever going to achieve with their worthless and pathetic and the end of the day thoroughly pointless existence

Merkaba _WRITES "I can't believe Basildon and Southend have gotten such lengthy mentions yet the worst place of them all, Canvey Island, has slipped through unnoticed.

The only redeeming features of Canvey are;
a) It's an island, therefore we know if the chavs get too rowdy we can just cut them off from civilised society by taking out two bridges and
B) It's below sea level and sinking fairly rapidly, so in 30 years they'll need to start investing in Burberry water-wings.

Seriously, there is no better place in Britain for Nike-clad, 'LA Lakers' outsize jersey-wearing, outsize-baseball cap-sporting chav population to 'hang out' with members of their own kind. Vauxhall Novas and Ford Fiestas with 'bling-bling' bodykits race up and down the straighter roads while on every street corner gangs of friendly neighbourhood youths will kindly relieve you of that heavy wallet and phone you've been carrying around all day, along with a kidney or two should you see fit to protest. Buses coming off of Canvey are inevitably filled with screaming teenage mums in thermonuclear-dayglo sports gear and shellsuits yelling at baby Britney or Romeo to stop chucking up into their fake Burberry pram while adjusting a 'Croydon Facelift' ponytail so tight you honestly suspect their skin of their face has been stretched to breaking point and one over-zealous yell would cause it to split and splatter the bus into something out of a Tarantino movie.

Other seats are taken up by gaggles of 13-year-old chav schoolgirls talking about how many 25-year-olds with Ford Focuses they've managed to 'bang' that week, taking the occasional break from this deeply enthralling intellectual discussion to mock anyone (seemingly at random) who isn't part of their group - occasionally their victim will be a member of a rival group of 13-year-old chav girls and a screeching fight will break out in the broadest Essex English you have ever heard in your life, much to the amusement of any normal passengers.

Being sandwiched between Southend and Basildon, it's easy to see how Canvey Island can be forgotten by the amateur Chavologist, what with there being broader areas of Chavdom to admire in such close proximity, but close observance reveals that while the total population of Canvey might be lower than those of Southend or Basildon, the total number of chavs from each is around equal, meaning that, possibly, Canvey is, in ratio, the most Chavvish place in Essex. Also, being an island, Canvey has developed many things seperately from the mainland. Just when you think you've learned enough of the latest Chav lingo to survive a night out without getting 'popped' for 'dissing' someone's 'kru', a trip to Canvey (and the resulting trip back again in the back of an ambulance) will remind you that Chavvish, like most other languages, can have many different dialects, all of which you need to be familiar with to ensure safe passage through certain out-of-the-way centres of Chavdom in Essex.

There are many more things I could say about Canvey, including the shopping centre in the middle of town, now all but deserted, that draws gangs of roaming chavs like moths to a flame, the fetid bars that draw the older chav groups in and have the typically huge car-parks on which a dozen or so 'modded' Novas and old Escorts race in the Canvey Grand Prix, much to the terror of genuine punters and their vehicles - those who are stupid enough to leave their car without an armed guard in Canvey anyway). There is a genuine air of depression and dinginess on Canvey, which I can only say must contribute an awful lot to the state of the people there - it is a vicious cycle, as further chav violence only escalates the feeling, and the feeling escalates the chav violence. As I said earlier, the only redeeming feature is that it's sinking, and if we took the bridges away, the only escape route they'd have would be the concrete boat(!? - has to be a chav idea, that) to be found down on the 'beach' (or, for those not in the know, about 4ft of stones and shells, with no sand to be seen, behind which is a 50ft concrete sea wall, and in front is the brown, stinking sea filled with shopping trolleys, used condoms, needles, sewage and all manner of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface. A great place to take your kids - if you hate them.

Note: Absolutely Great! [admin]"

Re: Canvey Island (Score: 1)
by oxbridge on Monday, October 11 @ 16:52:29 BST
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Hilarious. I've never been but I have a mate who lives there. Now I know to turn down any invites to visit. Heartfelt thanks are in order.





Re: Canvey Island (Score: 1)
by lizdiz247 on Thursday, December 02 @ 21:49:53 GMT
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LoL oook! Yes I come from a chav place. I live somewhere else now. Canveys cool though and i'm proud to come from there!! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />





Re: Canvey Island (Score: 1)
by DIABOLIC on Saturday, January 01 @ 10:42:44 GMT
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Merkaba mentions the Concrete Barge as the only escape route - Unfortunately due to it being a meeting place for chavs to urinate, take drugs & vomit over each other the adjacent Yacht club decided to demolish it! - see ConcreteBarge.co.uk - Oh well they can still hang out at one of the Band Stands that were thoughtfully erected for the local community - here they can plan their latest attack on the Library windows - as long as its before 9pm when the kurfew is supposted to clean the streets of the youger chav & chavettes.



Re: Canvey Island by LadyChaversham on Thursday, February 10 @ 16:02:13 GMT




Re: Canvey Island (Score: 1)
by DannyC on Tuesday, February 01 @ 02:36:25 GMT
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I live on Canvey and reading the thing above I can quite happily say its True.. Well Sort of. The kurfew is now over so The Chav's are Still out later and later. Im 18 years old and it seems that every one 2 school years under me was automatically converted into a chav. Its probabally no where near as bad as basildon or southend but obviously we have alot less people living here and also a smaller area. So chavs per square metre would probabally be around the same as Southend/Basildon.

The other day I come out my local pub and was preseneted by a group of Chav of around 20, I was obviously in shock... but apart from these little insidents its a good town. Just try and stay away from the area where the local chavs gather which is: Any where near the sea front - The Kebab shop in the town - Certain Parts of the Lake e.g. Green Bridge - McDonalds & KFC - Waterside Farm Sports Centre. Try to avoid them areas and you should be fairly safe. Alternativley if you come across a groupd of chavs that start, I tend to shout is that a Burberry Cap on the floor and they all run for it.

Sorry for any spelling / Grammer mistakes but its half 2 in the morning...

P.S. next year in the connie south

#2
offline ken

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yep, that about sums it up perfectly

#3
offline c'mon ricay

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Yeah but not but yeah

#4
offline Merv

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kcuf me. They've got us in one. I recognise and admire so much of that report. Where can I get the complete unabridge version? There are so many more chapters that I want to study. What about the caravans? The white stilletos? No mention of in-breds? There must be at least a thousand words on the effluent floating on the seafront where we all swim on a Sunday morning.

Please somebody, find Chapter 2 and post it here. It's almost autobiographical.

#5
offline Merv

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Quote:
c'mon ricay said:
Yeah but not but yeah


Vicky Pollard's cousin is alive and well, and living in Billericay.

#6
offline blooming barmy bongo

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i think we should set up a chavalanties group to out this burberry tweed cap suckers!!!

#7
offline South Mouth

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I totally agree with the chavvy comments. But if C'mon Ricay thinks that Canvey is the worst place for these inbred Burberry wearing co*ks, then he is totally mistaken, although Canvey does have it's fair share, i admit!

Dagenham is probably the worst place for it as i come from near there, i shamefully admit.

Everyone from the age of 16-21 from round that area has the same burberry, nova driving, aunty fu*king, max power reading profile and the majority of 19 year old girls already have about 3 kids by different daddies. A kiddy day out in Dagenham is going with mummy to the dole office to pick up her cheque on a Tuesday morning!

The little boys try to talk like gangsters from a 2Pac video even know two years ago they spoke like me or any other normal human being in Essex. Compared to Canvey, the place looks like a bomb has hit it. It is by far the worst place in Essex!

And dont even try to say that Billericay doesn't have it's fair share!

#8
offline ken

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child rebellion has happened for generations, mods, rockers, punks, goths, grungers, ravers, mad chester baggies. we were all in some little group as a youth. the fun part is now we have grown out of them we can look back and realise just how stupid it was.

we can all sleep well at night that all these little chavs at some point in their life will have to show their future (or present in many cases) children photos of themselves looking so thoroughly stupid, that is all the punishment anyone needs

#9
offline South Mouth

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Yeah, that's right but i sincerely cannot remember being as knobbish as they are. Fair enough, i acted immature as did all my mates, but we were never like these chavvies.

#10
offline ken

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I might be well out of date but I have just found out that they have got rid of the barge. I haven't been down there in a long time but surely they couldn't have got rid of it.

http://www.concretebarge.co.uk/

<img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

#11
offline YELLOW

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Grays has to be the worst place in Essex. It looks like a scene out of Beirut!!

#12
offline c'mon ricay

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Just been on the barge site class

Why, why, why we are in danger of becoming very, very, very boring in this country. Surely they (yacht club) would have had to apply for some kind of permit as it is a piece of possible historical significance and has according to a friend who done an undergraduate degree in ancient Britain and archeologcy it has the potential to be of great importance as a Roman site meaning that the **** at the yacht club has two things.

So what it attracted drunk teenagers big deal everywhere does due to our fascistic and oppressive licensing laws which forces teenagers to congrete on mass in parks or roam the streets causing trouble as their ****** and then get involved in other things such as drugs etc

I reckon you should get Cnavey's chav pop to go to yacht club guys house and cause trouble as he is a pompus twat, not that have any liking for chavs

why not buy one from else and use archive footage to react th barge exactly graffti

When I went to Canvey it was jsut about the only thing I enjoyed as the might BTFC (we maybe tow leagues lower than you but historically we are still a far, far bigger club tended to lose 3-0 every year apart from last

#13
offline ken

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the people from the Yacht club just smashed it up, they didnt ask, or find out about it. the pompas little f*ckers just didnt like it so they got rid of it.

i have been thinking, i dont like the rattle of their boats when its windy, i wonder if i should go down with a sledge hammer <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

#14
offline CANV EFM

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got yourself one of those nice townhouses down on the front there have you ken..? estuary views n all that.. loadsamoney!!

#15
offline ken

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no, i live by the haystack and i cant really hear the boats at all but smashing one up with a hammer seems like fun.

you watch it will happen now and i will get banged up

#16
offline islandersfootball

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There are more chavs in Colchester, Chelmsford, Southend, Basildon and Billericay.

Load of [****!!****].

#17
offline Big J R

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We hunt 'em in Surrey now we're not allowed to hunt foxes !

#18
offline c'mon ricay

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Due to the population sizes if you do it per head of pop or chavs per square mile, acctually we dont have to many chavs acctually and those that are about most will be leving in May when the <edit> gipsy <edit> are moved on (believe that one when I see it <edit>) <edit>

As for child rebellion happening this one is bad and I have only just finished being a child; chavs whole existence is centred on drink (fair cope gov, well I am uni student), drugs, mugging, smashing stuff up cause they aint got nought bettta to do n get their chavette preggers again to boost yet further teenage pregnancy levels ensuring that soon will be over run by the little blighters its about time they were rounded up and sent to Sibera to work in labour camps so their excess breeding levels can in fact help society. It could even be on as a TV channel complete with interactive which chav should go in for the battle for ‘freedom’ where two of the little blighters beat the [****!!****] out of each until one of them dies, the other chav believing he is going to be realesed back into society is then put to the viewers vote whether they want him killed and by which method which provides further entermaintent for the viewing public whilist reviling chav sympathisers also bound for Sibera

#19
offline Matt H

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I made a documentary on Chavs a couple of weeks before Christmas.

Had some interviews with the general public in Southend, a couple really loved the idea of killing the bastards!

They all thought the Police couldn't do enough cause they were too hand-strung.

I interviewd my girlfriend and she gave me a personal tale of how her Brother was arrested for kicking a copper and breaking a window trying to get into his own home. For kicking the copper he got a £25 fine! WTF?! That's [****!!****], (and his Mum paid it for him).

Alcohol is such a major factor in all this Anti-Social Behaviour crap. It's gonna get worse before it gets any better cause all the current pricks are gonna have kids of their own who are gonna be brought up in totally the wrong environment and they're just gonna turn out like their elders!

Vigilantes will take the law into their own hands and when they get banged up it'll probably turn into a cycle of violence.

Perhaps a huge Chav facility like Escape from New York would be the trick. Naturally someone's gonna nominate Canvey Island, I don't really blame them. Destroy the bridges and turn it into Battle Royale. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

#20
offline Guest__*

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c'mon ricay

You racist scum get off this site and [****!!****] off on your own site.

"Irish travellers have enhanced Billericay and contribute to the development of the community."
(Lord Hanningfield 2005)




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